


Ties That Bind

by Elise_Madrid



Series: Evolving [3]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-22
Updated: 2011-05-22
Packaged: 2017-10-19 16:59:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/203112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elise_Madrid/pseuds/Elise_Madrid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk and Spock return to Earth when Starfleet agrees to review their courts martial after Komack’s disgrace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ties That Bind

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published March 2004 in Beyond Dreams 7.

He felt heat against his exposed flesh and scooted away from the encroaching rays. Funny how not so very long ago he had welcomed the sun’s healing warmth. Not that he didn’t like heat anymore, exactly. Kirk turned to face his bed mate and settled just outside the rectangle of sunlight that had Spock within its grasp.

He squinted, his eyes drawn to the ball of red that was slowly making its way over the mountains and spilling beams of light into their bedroom. Kirk wondered if he could talk Spock into moving the bed somewhere else. He grinned as his gaze slid back to his lover’s body. Or maybe not. He figured it must be a little after five but didn’t feel like turning around to check the chronometer on the night stand; so much better to take in the sprawled form of his lover, oblivious to his appreciative gaze.

Spock had been a surprise in sleep. If asked to imagine his friend in bed, Kirk would have pictured the Vulcan primly tucked under his blankets as he took his rest. That had hardly been the case. Even at the beginning, when they had only _slept_ together, Spock had been without constraints. Sleep was to rest. And for his friend, that meant letting go of the tight controls Spock normally held over his body.

The Vulcan lay in the patch of light, one arm thrown over his head, the other bent at the elbow so that his long fingers rested lightly on his stomach. His leg was drawn up to the side to blatantly expose himself. Black hair whorled across Spock’s chest and tapered down the lean body to a thatch that framed his cock, heavy with morning’s arousal.

Kirk glanced over to make sure Spock was still asleep before slowly sitting up and leaning forward until his mouth was posed above the Vulcan’s groin. He placed one hand on the far side of his lover for balance and with the other gently positioned Spock’s organ and took it into his mouth. After thirty seconds or so, the slow sucking brought the desired affect. Spock moaned, his body shifted slightly and his hand settled in Kirk’s hair.

“Jim.” The word was little more than a whisper.

Kirk tightened his lips around the bulk in his mouth and redoubled his efforts. Spock’s organ was fully erect now and the Vulcan’s hips started to slowly piston. The slow rise and fall pushed the cock in and out of Kirk’s mouth and he relaxed his throat muscles in an attempt to take in as much of it as he could.

Kirk pulled back a moment and released his lover’s organ from his mouth. It stood, a rigid tower in his clasped hand. He leaned forward again and swirled his tongue around the double ridges. They flared out as if to grab the instrument of their pleasure. Kirk smiled. He loved watching them; their movement exciting him as he remembered how they felt while buried deep within his body.

“Jim, please.” A plea, yet a demand as Spock exerted his strength to push Kirk’s head further down.

“Cut that out or I won’t be able to finish what I’m doing,” Kirk chastised before returning to his task. He licked up and down his lover’s cock, teasing with lips and tongue. He shifted his attention downward and nipped at Spock’s balls, bathing them with swipes of his tongue until they glistened wetly. He clenched his hand around Spock’s penis at the same time and slowly pumped the engorged shaft.

Spock’s moans were driving him crazy and he could feel himself getting hard. He slid his tongue back up the Vulcan’s cock and then sucked it in, suddenly hungry for the hardened flesh. He moved closer so that his body lay next to Spock’s and pushed his groin against his lover’s arm. He was rewarded by Spock turning on his side and taking Kirk’s penis into his mouth.

Kirk moaned, but didn’t release the organ that filled his mouth. He placed both hands on Spock’s buttocks and threw one leg over the Vulcan to pull his lover closer so that their bodies were pressed together. He felt Spock tighten his hold, long Vulcan fingers on Kirk’s hips and ass.

Spock’s mouth was so hot; his body a furnace, a fire that overwhelmed Kirk. The idea of having his cock sucked while his mouth pleasured his lover’s organ was intoxicating. His hips thrust back and forth, driving his organ in deeper. But he wanted all of this man, everything that Spock could give him. Kirk reached down to the hand that rested on his hip and brought it up to his face.

All the love and desire Spock held for him roared through the opened link, and Kirk felt himself spiral into the joint orgasm that surged from one to the other. He stiffened and unleashed his seed into Spock’s mouth as his own was filled.

It took a few minutes, but eventually they released each other. There was no need for cleaning, as both had greedily swallowed the other’s essence and licked clean the deflating flesh. They lay next to each other, a soft smile on Kirk’s face as he took in the bemused look on his lover’s.

“That was great.” Kirk stretched and let his hand settle on Spock’s stomach where he proceeded to lazily comb his fingers through the silky line of hair that bisected Spock’s abdomen.

Spock watched the motion as he spoke. “We should be going downstairs soon. It would not be polite to keep our guests waiting.”

“Bones? He’s not a guest.” McCoy had been living with them for the last three weeks.

“I am not speaking of McCoy. Have you forgotten that Lieutenants Uhura and Sulu will be arriving this morning?”

“Is that today?” Kirk yawned and rolled away. He sat at the side of the bed and peered at the chronometer. It was later than he thought. “I guess he’d better get up.” He turned around and grinned at Spock. “Come on. We’ll save time showering together.”

^^^^^

McCoy was already at the breakfast table when they went downstairs and entered the kitchen. He was wearing the same old robe he’d had for as long as Kirk had known him, thrown over a similarly well-worn pair of pajamas.

“Morning, Bones.” Kirk headed for the carafe sitting on the counter.

“Morning, Jim, Spock.” McCoy didn’t turn, but sat with a cup of coffee cradled in his hands as he gazed out the patio doors. Several small birds, Vulcan’s equivalent to the common wren, skittered around the back area seeking out their morning repast. A small smile played across the doctor’s face. “I think those are the only animals I’ve seen on this planet that are actually cute.” He turned his head to address Spock.

Kirk laughed as he slid into his seat and took a sip of coffee. Black and hot, just the way he liked it. He tugged at his own robe, still trying to get used to having to wear one. “There are a few others, Bones. They just tend to live away from the city.”

Spock nodded and walked over from the counter where he had been preparing his tea. He sat next to Kirk, his long limbs gracefully settling in his chair. “Most of Vulcan’s wildlife prefer the solitude of the desert. Indeed, our very position so far from the city proper may account for their presence here.”

“But there’s nothing out there.” McCoy waved one arm in the air.

“There is if you know how to find it, Doctor.” Spock took a sip of his tea, lifted an eyebrow, and then reached over for the jar of honey sitting next to the plate of toast and muffins McCoy had put out. He liberally spooned the sweet liquid into his cup.

Kirk chuckled and let his gaze wander over his lover. Spock never would have deigned to leave their bedroom anything but properly dressed. The silken pants and tunic he wore, their buttery color shifting to gold as the Vulcan moved, highlighted Spock’s natural grace, and Kirk was hard pressed to return his attention to their friend. “You’ll have to let us take you on a short hike before our next mission.”

“I’ll pass, thank you very much.” McCoy grabbed a piece of toast from its plate and took a bite. “Besides, I thought the ship was going to be ready in a few days.”

“It is. All we’re waiting for is for the new diagnostic equipment to be installed in sickbay,” Kirk responded.

McCoy grumbled something and took another bite of toast. Kirk looked back at Spock and shrugged at Spock’s slight tilt of his head. It was still a point of contention between them.

When Kirk had taken command of the _Warrior’s Oath,_ the only thing he had been concerned about was that he _had_ a command. His and Spock’s courts-martial from Starfleet when their relationship had been discovered had unsettled him more than he had let on. Vulcan’s offer of a ship had been like a rope thrown to a drowning man. He’d grabbed it and never looked back.

He and Spock had been happy on the ship. Life had taken on a fulfilling rhythm of exploration and scientific discovery. And if he was the only human on board, Kirk had never seen it as a problem. But then illness had intruded and destroyed their hard-won serenity.

Kirk grimaced slightly, remembering the pain of that time. The sickness had left him totally debilitated and, he thought, forever planet bound. If McCoy hadn’t pushed his way back into their lives, he still would be. But the doctor had, and not only discovered what was wrong with Kirk, but the cure to boot. That had been three weeks ago, and McCoy had neither forgotten, nor forgiven, that it was because Kirk was the only human on a ship of Vulcans that his illness had gone so long misdiagnosed.

Well, maybe not the only reason for the misdiagnosis. Kirk glanced at his lover. Spock was contentedly sipping his tea and munching on one of those Vulcan multigrain muffins neither Kirk nor McCoy could tolerate, much less digest. If Spock knew the direction of his bondmate’s thoughts he discreetly kept it to himself.

Kirk knew what it was to desire Spock. His own long-suppressed bisexuality had tested his equilibrium when it had first manifested itself. But now he wondered how he had resisted the Vulcan for as long as he had, because there was something about Spock that seemed to call forth an emotional response from those around him like no one else.

For himself, the reaction had been an almost immediate rapport that had only grown with time until it had taken on a life of its own. For McCoy, Kirk grinned, that response was an inordinate need to test the Vulcan’s control, to break through the stern facade to the man beneath. But for women....

Kirk had fancied himself quite a ladies’ man before he and Spock had come together. But his Vulcan lover could have easily outpaced his captain if the idea had ever occurred to him. Because when women fell for Spock, they fell hard. Out of unrequited desire, Christine Chapel had ended his and Spock’s careers in Starfleet when she had somehow found out they were lovers. Stymied in the same way, T’Lena, their yeoman aboard _Warrior’s Oath_ and, not incidentally, T’Pring’s sister, had sabotaged the healer’s attempts to discover the cause of Kirk’s malady.

But Kirk was well now, and another mission was days away. So when he had suggested to McCoy that he should join them on the ship, the doctor’s proclamation that he’d like to see anyone try to keep him off had been met by joy, assuredly, but with not a small measure of relief, too. It was one less thing to worry about.

“Jim, you gonna eat that last piece of toast?” McCoy’s question brought Kirk from his musings.

“No, go ahead, Bones. I’m going to get dressed. I may not be their captain anymore,” Kirk stood up and pulled the ends of his robe closed, “but I don’t think it would be good for my image to greet Uhura and Sulu in my bathrobe.”

“It might help if you bothered to wear something underneath,” McCoy groused as he got up to freshen his coffee and snapped on the vid.

Kirk gave him a sour look before turning to Spock. “If they get here before I’m finished dressing, don’t let them start without me.”

Spock only nodded, his attention taken by the morning news. Kirk glanced over: the third missing person story in less than a standard month. He listened intently for a few minutes but then ruffled the Vulcan’s hair, smiled at the slightly indignant response it got, and went upstairs to change.

^^^^^

Uhura looked up at the house perched a good fifty feet above them. “We should have asked if we could just beam in.”

Sulu grinned. “Come on. The hike will do us good.”

They climbed slowly up the walkway that meandered back and forth, the steep incline of the butte making a straight path impossible. By the time they reached the door and the welcome shade of the porch, they were both sweating and out of breath. Uhura turned to her lover in exasperation. “I wonder whose idea it was to buy a house on top of a mountain.”

“It’s not a mountain...not quite, anyway.” He looked back to the path they had just taken. “But I’ll bet it keeps the solicitors away.” Sulu wiped his brow and pressed the doorbell. Seconds later the door swung open.

Uhura remembered the day the news had spread on the _Enterprise_ that Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock were lovers. She was at her post when she began to hear the furious whispers being passed from person to person. But by then, she had already known the whole, painful story. The moment she had pulled up the log of messages that morning it had become painfully obvious that Komack had been busy since his unexpected arrival on the ship the night before.

Several minutes would pass before she was able to sort through her emotions. First had been anger at a system that would punish these two fine men for loving each other; then pity, for what this would do to them; and not a little envy that they had found such love to begin with. But most of all, a dawning incredulousness that they had managed to hide it from everyone.

Looking now at the Vulcan standing on the other side of the open door, Uhura thought they all must have been blind. She remembered their first officer, the dignified and somewhat dour man she had worked beside for over three years. But that man and this one were only superficially the same. She suddenly realized that the metamorphosis that was now so apparent must have been born during Spock’s last months aboard the _Enterprise,_ for she recognized the mantle of joy and contentment that had just begun to settle on the Vulcan’s shoulders those last few weeks. What had been an easily overlooked aura of satisfaction at its birth was now an all-encompassing radiance of serenity. She was awed by the difference a little over a year could make.

Uhura glanced over at Sulu, wondering if he saw it, too. _Probably not._ She loved him dearly, but Hikaru was nothing if not pragmatic. But her gaze was instantly drawn back to the man before her.

“Lieutenant Uhura, Lieutenant Sulu. Do you wish to come in?” Spock asked, a hint of humor in his voice.

She heard the stifled laugh from her lover, and blushed at having been caught staring. “Thank you, Mr. Spock. It’s really quite warm out here.”

The Vulcan opened the door wider and stepped aside to motion them in. There was an instant drop of temperature as they entered the darkened entryway.

“Dr. McCoy and...Jim,” he seemed to stumble over the name as if unsure of the appropriateness of using it with them, “will be down shortly. Perhaps you would care for some refreshments until they join us.”

“That would be lovely.” Uhura smiled. She liked the change in the Vulcan.

“Then, if you would follow me. We can wait in the den.”

He led them to the right and through a set of double doors that opened up into a spacious and very masculine room. It reminded Uhura immediately of the captain. Bookshelves of a dark wood lined one wall, bulging with tomes collected from many planets. Heavy pieces of furniture were strategically placed, with an inviting grouping of sofas and chairs in front of a fireplace made of stone. A bar stood near the back, the wide expanse of windows behind it giving an unparalleled view of the desert below.

“Nice,” Sulu mocked whispered.

She gave him a nudge while they both took a seat near the fireplace. Spock had walked over to the bar and returned with a tray of glasses and a pitcher of water that he set on the table between them. “I will serve you whatever you wish, but I believe it would be most beneficial for you to partake of at least one glass of water first.”

“Thank you, Mr. Spock.” Uhura took one of the glasses. The ice tinkled softly as she drank and then swirled the cubes lazily around. She felt instantly at ease in this house. She couldn’t believe how nervous she had been at the thought of coming here, afraid of what she’d find. How could she have so forgotten how often these two men had created opportunity from misadventure?

“I hear you and the captain will be leaving again soon.” Sulu broke the comfortable silence that surrounded them.

Spock nodded for his place across the table. “Yes, the ship will be ready for departure in two point three days.”

“Do you know where you’re going?” Uhura chimed in.

“Our exact course has not been relayed to us as of yet. But I have received unofficial word that we will be returning to RP1485. Once it was ascertained that Jim’s illness did not originate on that planet, the VSA became willing to allow us a second visit.” Spock tilted his head in thought. “It seems Jim has made known his interest in coordinating the first serious long-term study of that world.”

“Why is that?” she asked.

“Because it’s an absolutely beautiful place, and I plan on getting a good-sized chunk of it,” came from behind her.

She turned then and almost gasp. Kirk stood in the doorway, a wide grin on his face. He was dressed casually, a pair of faded Levi's that somehow complimented the simple yet elegant white linen shirt he wore.

“Captain Kirk!” She and Sulu both said his name and stood in unison as Kirk came into the room.

“Nyota, Hikaru. It’s good to see you both.” Kirk approached her and without hesitation took her in his arms for a quick hug. He then turned to his former helmsman and shook his hand. “I’m so glad you could both make it. Please,” he motioned as he stepped around the table to take a seat next to Spock, “sit down. I’m sure you have almost as many questions as I do.”

“Yes, we probably do.” She felt almost giddy. She had once entertained fantasies of there being something between herself and her captain, fantasies that had not lasted long as she watched him go from one woman to another, never quite satisfied. She knew then that it would take an extraordinary person to hold him. How right she had been. But he still had the power to move her. That had not changed. She thought perhaps it never would.

“So, where should we start? Or maybe I should be asking who wants to go first?” Kirk leaned forward and rubbed his hands together in a familiar motion as he turned to look at Spock.

“I think perhaps our guests should go first. What they have to report will, after all, have a bearing on our own plans,” Spock answered.

“You’re right.” Kirk looked back at them and suddenly stilled. His gaze slid from one to the other. “God, it’s good to see you both again.”

Uhura had to press her lips together to keep from crying. What had been done to them wasn’t fair.

“It’s good to see you, too, sir,” Sulu responded softly, and at the same time took Uhura’s hand.

“I don’t think there needs to be such formality between us. I’m not your captain anymore.” Kirk’s smile was gentle and open.

“You’ll always be our captain,” Uhura said.

“Did I not tell you?” Spock asked and laid his hand on Kirk’s shoulder.

Kirk didn’t answer, didn’t even turn in the Vulcan’s direction. His only response was to drop his head for a moment. When he looked up, his face was lit with a quiet gratitude that went beyond words.

Uhura knew that his serene demeanor had not been completely caused by their reaffirmed loyalty to him. When Spock’s hand had bridged the space between him and Kirk, a slow surge of energy had seemed to flow between them. Suddenly the change she had seen in the Vulcan made perfect sense, because it was a change he had not made alone. They were the same men she had known for years, yet at the same time so very different. Theirs was a joy that was almost palpable.

“’Bout time you two made it.” McCoy entered the room, breaking the reflective mood with his exuberance. “No, don’t get up,” he motioned as he approached and pulled up a chair. “It’ll just waste time, and I want to hear everything.”

“It’s good to see you, too, Dr. McCoy.” Sulu’s grin took the sting out of the words.

“Bones has a way of cutting to the heart of the matter, doesn’t he?” Kirk quipped.

“As if you and Spock weren’t just dying to know what these two have to report.”

“I’m afraid it’s not all that much.” Uhura looked at all three men.

“Whatever you know would be appreciated, Nyota,” Kirk quietly responded.

She glanced over at Sulu. He gave her an encouraging nod and she took a deep breath before starting. “There was talk from the moment we got back to Earth at the end of the mission. Just about everyone felt that you and Mr. Spock had been badly treated by Starfleet. So when word got out that Hikaru and I were interested in any information that might explain what really happened, we started getting visitors, very discreetly, of course. No one wanted to take the chance of Komack finding out they were helping you in any way.”

“I’ll just bet.” Kirk shook his head. “I’m surprised anyone dared. Komack was pretty powerful.”

“Well, like I said, they were very discreet about it. But eventually, what had happened all started falling into place. His deal with the contractors regarding M-5, and where his share of the credits came from. And he wasn’t very quiet about the fact that he blamed you for its failure. But the clincher was when I saw Dr. Matheson leaving the Admiral’s home-”

“Matheson? Dr. Tom Matheson?” Kirk asked.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” McCoy leaned back in his chair. “Puts a whole new spin on things, doesn’t it, Jim?”

Uhura frowned, and turned to see the same look of puzzlement of Sulu’s face. “I don’t understand,” she looked back at the other men.

“Dr. Matheson and I had a...difference of opinion. It ended up costing him the M-113 expedition.”

“What I do not understand is what information Dr. Matheson could have possessed that would have been of any use to Admiral Komack in his vendetta against you?” Spock interjected.

Kirk shrugged. “Beats me. Maybe it was just a coincidence. They were acquainted even before they were on the _Enterprise_ together.”

“No, it wasn’t a coincidence,” Sulu responded.

“Why do you say that?” Kirk asked.

“Because right after your courts-martial, all charges brought against Dr. Matheson by the Surgeon General’s office were dropped.”

 _“You’re kidding?”_ McCoy looked away and swore. “So much for the integrity of the damn-”

“Bones.” Kirk gave the doctor an impatient look before turning all his attention to Sulu. “Where’s Dr. Matheson now?”

“On Earth. He was recalled from M-113, where he had, incidentally, been reinstated, for Komack’s trial. The guy certainly knows when to jump ship. His testimony pretty much buried Komack, because it didn’t take them long to bring in a guilty verdict. Once that was over, we heard that they were planning on reviewing your case. I’m surprised you and Mr. Spock haven’t received a summons.”

“We have. We’re just not sure what to do about it yet.”

“Jim, are you saying you and Spock might not go?” McCoy asked.

“Why should we?” There was real bitterness in Kirk’s voice. “We’ve got a new life now. And going back to Earth would only disrupt it.”

Uhura noticed the look that passed between McCoy and Spock. There was obviously more going on here than they were willing to allow her and Sulu to know. She’d heard rumors about their second visit to M-113 and the group of scientists they had transported there. Well, they were entitled to their privacy.

Kirk looked over at her then. “Whatever we end up doing, don’t for a minute think we don’t appreciate all you and Hikaru have done for us. You put your careers on the line, and I’m not about to forget that.”

“Sir, I think you know how I feel about Starfleet,” Sulu responded. “But even I had second thoughts about staying in after what they did to you and Mr. Spock. Finding out the truth, and knowing that it was a small group of men who did this, helped me to vindicate my reasons for remaining. So you see, in a way I was helping myself, too.”

“That doesn’t change what I feel for either of you. Now, what are _your_ plans?”

“It could be several weeks before our next assignments come in, so we decided to use up some of our leave time. But other than our trip to Vulcan, neither of us have given it much thought.” Sulu turned to Uhura and smiled, “but we’ll think of something.”

Uhura blushed but returned the smile and then stifled a yawn. She picked up her glass and finished off the water before standing up. “Captain, if you don’t mind, I’d like to freshen up, maybe take a short nap. The trip from the spaceport was more taxing than I thought it would be.”

Kirk’s demeanor abruptly changed. “Of course, Nyota. I should have given you the opportunity first, instead of bombarding the two of you with questions.” He glanced at the chronometer over the fireplace. “We usually eat lunch around thirteen hundred hours, if you want to rest until then. We’ve got plenty of time to finish this discussion later.”

McCoy rose and waved Kirk to stay seated. “I’ll take them up, Jim. I’ve got a few messages to get out, anyway. And I’ve got a half-done letter to that wayward daughter of mine I’d like to finish.”

They followed McCoy up the stairway to their room. Uhura noted that it was large and spacious and, like the rest of the house, had all the hallmarks of a home. She finished her perusal and then turned to McCoy. “They’ve really made a life here, haven’t they?”

The doctor chuckled. “Did you honestly believe they wouldn’t?”

Sulu had gone to the window and pulled aside the sheer that blocked his view. “Do you think they won’t go, then?”

McCoy shook his head. “They’ll go. Spock will see to that.”

“Why?” Sulu turned his attention back to the room. “Why would he do that?”

“Because if anyone knows Jim Kirk, it’s Spock. He knows that Jim might not feel like going back _right now;_ he’s angry at the Federation. But more than that, he’s grateful to Vulcan for being there for them. And for Jim, gratitude has always entailed responsibility and a commitment to be there in return. But Spock also knows what Jim would feel if the Federation were to need him and he wasn’t available to them.”

Uhura smiled. “That’s our captain.”

McCoy nodded. “Guess we all know him pretty well, don’t we? But I’ll leave you two alone, let you get settled in. If you need anything, I’m right next door.” He motioned down the hall and quietly closed the door on his way out.

Uhura stood for a moment. She hadn’t realized, until faced with the possibility that Kirk and Spock might refuse to go back, how much she had pinned on their return. She thought of the distance that seemed to be growing between her and Hikaru. It wasn’t anything she could put her finger on, exactly; he was still as loving and considerate as he had always been. But something was happening, an almost imperceptible drifting apart that had started soon after their return to Earth. It had been easy to ignore until faced with the kind of love shared by her former commanding officers.

She glanced at her lover who had gone back to surveying whatever was outside their window. Had it occurred to Hikaru how much their own relationship seemed to hinge on the life they had shared on the _Enterprise?_ And did it stand a chance if they never returned to her?

^^^^^

Spock noticed the curtain slide open in one of the upstairs windows facing the back of the house. He and Kirk had wandered outside to sit beneath the tall trees that filled the enclosure created by the second rise of the butte. It was early enough that the shade made the temperature pleasant for a Vulcan...and for the human who had come to thrive on it.

“All right, give.” Kirk had kicked off his sandals and stretched out an a cushioned lounger. His eyes were closed.

“’Give?’ To what are you referring?” Spock’s gaze returned to his lover.

“You know what. All the reasons you’re going to give me as to why we should go to Earth for this circus they’ve created just for us.”

“I do not believe Starfleet would elect to review our case or try Komack for misappropriation of funds merely for our amusement.”

“Why not? They threw us out for his.” Kirk opened his eyes and gave Spock an accusing stare. “Or don’t you remember that?”

“I remember.”

“But it doesn’t matter to you.”

Spock sighed. “Yes, it matters. It matters a great deal. They took from us what we had worked our entire lives to achieve. I could not readily forget such a transgression. But, Jim,” he rose and came to sit beside his lover, “is not that achievement worth fighting to reclaim?”

Kirk didn’t answer at first. Instead, he appeared to be studying the flora surrounding them as his eyes were drawn time and again to the canopy above. Finally, he looked back at Spock. “What about what we have here? Can you so easily let it go? Because I can’t. I won’t lie to you. I miss the _Enterprise._ I think I always will. But I don’t want to go back to the way we were before; afraid to touch each other, afraid to show too much in front of the crew. We don’t have to worry about that on _Warrior’s Oath._ Do you know that even while we sat there with Nyota and Hikaru I was worrying about my image? How stupid is that? And what will going back do to you?”

“I do not know to what you refer-”

“Don’t give me that,” Kirk vehemently responded. “Don’t you think I’ve noticed? Damn it, Spock, I would have to have been blind not to see it!” He leaned forward and placed his hands on Spock’s shoulders. “I can feel you, all the time. Here,” he brought one hand back to touch his forehead. “It was never like that before. What that tells me is that you’ve opened yourself in a way you never did before, not even to me. And every time I look at you I can see the difference. You’re _happy_ here. I don’t want to take that away from you!”

Spock looked down, unable to hold the intense gaze of his lover. “My happiness does not reside in this place. It resides with you.”

“Don’t you think that would be awfully self-centered of me to not realize that’s blatantly _not_ true?”

He looked up then, willing Kirk to understand. “It does not matter where we are as long as we are together. I know that my contentment appears to have been caused by our return to Vulcan, but, Jim, you must believe me when I say that is not true.” He reached up and took Kirk’s hand from his shoulder and gathered it up with its mate to cradle them within his own. “I cannot imagine my existence without you. It has been thus almost from the very beginning. You complete me.”

“We complete each other,” Kirk gently responded.

“Yes. And because of this, I have found that my happiness is inextricably linked to yours. You would never be happy, knowing that you could have regained what you had lost but did nothing.”

“What if I don’t want it anymore?”

“That does not matter. The man you are will insist on righting the injustice that was done to us.”

Kirk pulled one hand free and used it to bring Spock closer until their foreheads rested against each other’s. “You know me way too well for your own good, do you know that?”

Spock only smiled and moved closer still to cover Kirk’s mouth with his own.

^^^^^

The concourse at Vulcan Space Central was quieter than its counterparts on the other planets of the Federation. The unruffled efficiency was one of the things Kirk appreciated about his adopted planet. There was order, and a quiet serenity that he had discovered was very much a part of these remarkable people. Yet Kirk knew full well the passion they could bring to any endeavor they undertook. You just had to know what to look for. And though Spock was an obvious example, that same intense concentration and focus was apparent in many of the Vulcans Kirk had come to know and admire.

One of those very same stepped forward as Kirk and his group approached the transporter station that was assigned their ship. Kirk stopped, grinning at the Vulcan’s obvious pleasure at seeing him.

“Welcome back, Captain Kirk.” The tall Vulcan brought his hand up in greeting.

“Thank you, Stovan. It’s good to be back. Everything all set?” he asked, looking past his chief engineer to the transporter platform behind him. He could hardly wait to get back on the ship, even if it was only going to be for a couple of days.

“The last of the supplies were beamed up this morning. And I believe Dr. McCoy,” Stovan bowed his head in the direction of the doctor, “has found his equipment more than adequate.”

“I’ll say.” McCoy rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “Jim, you won’t believe some of the instruments they installed. We’ve got stuff in there even the _Enterprise_ didn’t have.”

Kirk turned at the noise Uhura made and grinned at his former officer. “Sorry, Nyota. But you know how Bones gets when it comes to medical equipment.” He motioned her and Sulu forward and turned back to the Vulcan. “Stovan, I want you to meet two of the best officers a captain could ever ask for. Lieutenants Uhura and Sulu of the U. S. S. _Enterprise._ They’ll be our guests during our trip to Earth.”

“I am honored.” Stovan bowed his head slightly before returning his attention to Kirk. “If you are ready, Captain?”

He was more than ready. They each took a position on the dais, and seconds later Kirk found himself standing in the small transporter room of his ship. He took a deep breath, not aware until that moment that he’d been holding it, and stepped off the platform.

Kirk had forgotten just how beautiful a ship _Warrior’s Oath_ was. His eyes strayed from side to side as he led his guests through its corridors. With their departure time fast approaching, Stovan headed for engineering with Dr. McCoy going along toward sickbay. As they moved off, Kirk could hear the two men pick up on the friendship that had blossomed between them in the few days of their acquaintance.

“Dr. McCoy certainly seems to fit in, doesn’t he?” Sulu commented. “It looks like we’ve lost our CMO for good.”

“The good doctor’s services were greatly needed here,” Spock replied.

Kirk turned and gave his lover a teasing look. As glad as he had been to have Bones join them, he was certain Spock was even more so. “I wouldn’t let McCoy hear you say that. He might get the idea you actually want him around.”

Spock raised an eyebrow but didn’t deign to answer. Instead they were quiet the rest of the way to the bridge, giving Kirk the opportunity to reacquaint himself with his ship.

The bridge was a hive of muted activity when they entered. Kirk motioned Uhura and Sulu to stand next to the captain’s chair as he took his seat. He settled in, looking happily around as his crew went about their duties.

 _His crew._ He’d been to the ship several times in the last few days, but this was his first time back as their captain. The ship had gone on with a new leader during his convalescence and Kirk’s orders had only recently gone through. And though a slight nod was their only greeting, he felt the contentment and sense of rightness emanating from them at his return. It was all he would get from them, but it was more than he could ever want. He turned to his first officer. “Status, Mr. Spock?”

Spock stood next to his station. His hand lay gently on his instrument console as if in direct contact with the heart of the ship. “All ready for departure, Captain.”

“Lay in a course for Earth, T’Para,” Kirk ordered.

The young Vulcan woman at navigation worked silently for a few moments. “Course laid in, Captain.”

Kirk leaned forward, his eyes on the viewscreen. Vulcan lay large and red below them. “Take her out, Stenn. Warp factor two.”

“Warp factor two, sir.”

With easy grace, the compact ship slid silently from orbit and into the deep of space.

^^^^^

Uhura studied Kirk from across the table as he conversed with one of his crew members. T’Mala, if Uhura remembered correctly. Spock sat on the captain’s other side, quietly conferring with the the ship’s healer, Sator. His attention appeared to be completely focused on the other man, so Uhura was surprised to see Spock’s hand move slightly over and lightly touch Kirk’s.

Uhura toyed with her dessert as she contemplated the two men. She had assumed the understated intimacy she had seen them display in their home would disappear the moment they stepped foot on the ship. That hadn’t been the case at all.

Their manner with each other was so different from what it had been on the _Enterprise._ There was an easy familiarity she’s never seen between them before, even during the time they must have been lovers while still in Starfleet. For one thing, she’d noticed that Spock only called Kirk “Captain” while on the bridge or during official ship’s duty. The rest of the time it was “Jim.” And they touched. That had been the biggest surprise. A hand left resting on a shoulder, the momentary reaching out, as now, so that their hands briefly came in contact, all done apparently without thought.

Of course, it wasn’t as if they were the only ones. Uhura had seen Stenn and T’Para behave similarly. Had she and the rest of the _Enterprise_ crew been fooled because Spock had been overcompensating for his position as the sole representative of his people, exacerbated by his struggle over his mixed heritage, or because the Vulcan had been single?

 _No, strike that last thought._ Even Sukar, the ship’s communications officer, had been what she could only describe as friendly. She was finding that all her notions of what a Vulcan was were being unceremoniously overturned. The overall informality of the ship was disconcerting as it was the last thing she would have imagined.

“Penny for your thought, Nyota.”

Uhura mentally shook herself and turned to the man on her right. “I’m sorry, Dr. McCoy. I was just comparing life here with that aboard the _Enterprise._ ”

“Comes as quite a shock, doesn’t it?” He glanced over to the men who had been the focus of her attention. “You’re not the only one who’s had to come to terms with a few surprises.”

“Does it bother you, Doctor?”

McCoy smiled and shook his head ruefully. “No, not now. But I’ll tell you, if they had started acting that way on the _Enterprise_ I’d have died of shock. As it was...well, let’s just say I made quite an ass of myself.”

“They really took you by surprise, didn’t they?”

He laughed. “You might say that.”

Uhura hesitated. “I don’t want to step out of line—”

“But why hadn’t I noticed anything before?” At her nod, he continued. “I think I had. But it was such a departure from the way I saw them up ‘til then. Especially Jim. Maybe if I had been able to look past that....” He shrugged and tapered off into silence, his gaze fixed on the two men.

She thought she understood, but knew that if she didn’t she wouldn’t be getting her answers from this man. Whatever had happened to tear apart and then bring them back together would remain forever between the three of them.

Uhura glanced at her lover. Sulu was sitting next to Stenn, and the two men were deep in conversation. If today was to be any indication, she would do well to find something to pass her evening. She frowned. What had happened to them?

“Feel up to a quiet night of conversation with an old country doctor?”

Looking at McCoy, she saw understanding and sympathy in his eyes. She smiled and nodded. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Okay then.” He stood up, tossing his napkin on his empty plate. “I’ve got a fine Madeira that’ll finish this meal up nicely.”

They made their respective goodnights. She noticed the odd look from Kirk, though it seemed to be reserved more for Sulu than for her and McCoy. But beyond her former captain, their departure went unmarked.

^^^^^

“It really is a lovely ship.” Uhura gazed about the small observation deck she and McCoy had settled upon.

McCoy took a sip of his wine and turned from the view he had been contemplating. “But it’s not the _Enterprise,_ right?”

“I didn’t think I was so obvious.”

“You’re not. It’s just that I had the same thought at first.”

“At first?” she asked, puzzled. “But I thought this was your first mission.”

“Oh, it is. But I’ve been working with Stovan for a couple of weeks getting sickbay up to speed. If you ever want to really see a ship, have the engineer give you a tour.”

“Didn’t they have a doctor before?”

McCoy’s expression changed as the lines around his mouth tightened. “A healer. All they had was a healer.”

“I see.” She didn’t completely; his anger seemed out of proportion to what was surely an honest mistake in staffing the ship. It looked to be another mystery that surrounded her former command team.

“But enough about us. How are you and Hikaru doing?” McCoy asked.

Uhura grimaced and looked out at the stars. “Up until a few weeks ago, I would have said just fine. But it seems that without the _Enterprise_ or some sort of ‘mission’ to keep us busy, we don’t have anything to keep us from drifting apart.” She lowered her head and studied her glass. “I envy the captain and Mr. Spock for what they have.”

“It’s a rare thing. I don’t think too many of us find it. But, Nyota,” he leaned forward and took her hand, “you’re still young. Even if it turns out Hikaru isn’t the right one for you, you’ve got years to find the one that is. Remember, both Jim and Spock were well into their thirties before finding each other.”

“I suppose.” She took a sip of her drink. “I thought maybe once we were back on the ship it could be the way it was. But I was pinning my hopes on the captain and Mr. Spock coming back to us. And now even you aren’t.”

“I know. I guess I never realized how important those two are to me until they were gone. And they need me. Maybe more than anyone else ever has.”

“The sons you never had?” She gave him a teasing smile as she sat back, pulling her legs underneath her.

McCoy scowled, “Hell, I’m not _that_ much older than they are.” After a moment he chuckled. “But, yeah, I suppose there’s some of that in our relationship.” He seemed to ponder a moment before continuing. “You never know what could happen once we get to Earth, though.”

“What? You think they’ll decide to rejoin Starfleet if somehow their conviction is overturned?”

“Anything’s possible. Of course, at this point we don’t even know what Starfleet or the Federation have in mind by recalling them.”

“I had this little fantasy of us all ending up back on the _Enterprise_. But after seeing the way things are for them here...” Suddenly it seemed hopeless. “It’ll never be the way it was, will it?”

“I don’t know, Nyota. I really don’t. But I do know this. Whatever Jim and Spock do with their lives, it’s up to you to figure out what you’re going to do with yours.”

She nodded and her gaze was once more drawn to the stars that looked close enough to touch. She had a lot to think about before they reached Earth.

^^^^^

Though he was aware of the crew members who filtered in, Spock’s attention never wavered from the information he was processing. He sat near the front of the table, the quiet conversation not a disruption as he pulled up the files of their next assignment.

He looked up briefly and nodded in acknowledgment when Stenn and T’Para entered and took the seats at the end of the table next to Sulu and Uhura. Almost immediately Mr. Sulu began a conversation with his fellow helmsman that had been going, off and on, for the last two days. It brought to mind an odd remark Kirk had made to him the night before, something about seeing himself in the young human, even to the needing of a map to find what was right in front of him.

With a mental shake, Spock returned to his work. They were fast approaching Earth and would make orbit in two point three hours. With his and Kirk’s departure imminent, the captain had called a meeting to give last minute instructions in case the ship was forced to continue on without them. As acting captain, Stovan would need all the information normally reserved for the command team.

Spock’s brow wrinkled slightly. Kirk had been looking forward to their revisit of RP1485. The expedition set up by the VSA had sent back reports of a world ideal for colonization. No indigenous intelligent life, or predators large enough to be of concern to humanoid life, had been found. There were the normal amount of poisonous insect life, but nothing that would be too difficult to deal with. And most propitious, an abundant plant and aquatic population. All in all, a most pleasant planet.

The remainder of the information had just downloaded onto the disc when Kirk and McCoy walked in. McCoy had insisted on one last physical before Kirk was subjected to...whatever it was they were to be subjected to. And though Spock had done his part in pushing his lover to return to Earth, he could no longer keep his disquiet at bay, not with their destination almost upon them. Nor could he ignore the same look of uneasy concern on the doctor’s face as he walked past.

Spock felt the gentle brush of Kirk’s presence as the captain took his seat next to him. He turned to see the human looking at him was an amused smile.

“Are you ready, Mr. Spock?”

With a slight smile of his own, Spock tilted his head in acknowledgment. The use of the “Mr.” a sure sign that Kirk was aware of his momentary lapse. “Whenever you are, Captain.”

“Very well.” Kirk turned to the rest of the room’s occupants. “I know you’re all aware of the reason Dr. McCoy, Spock and I have been summoned to Earth. And though I’m hoping it will take no more than a day or two, I think it’s only reasonable to have some sort of plan in place in case we end up stuck on Earth for an extended length of time.”

“Do you foresee a problem, Captain?” Stovan asked.

Kirk gave a slight shrug. “Let’s just say I’d rather be prepared if there is one. Since the ship is already supplied and ready for our next mission, I don’t see any sense in having you sit up here wasting time. I think there’s only a few things we’ll need to restock while there, and the three of us can hire a shuttle to bring us back to the ship when this is all over.” He took the disc from Spock and handed it to Stovan. “Here are the mission parameters and all the information sent so far from the scientists stationed on the planet. It’s up to you how much you want to add your expertise to theirs. Basically, you’re there to observe.”

“Then the continued survey of the planet is not assured?” T’Mala, the head botanist, interjected.

“Spock?” Kirk turned to give the floor to his science officer.

“There is no question as to the VSA’s continued interest in the planet. What will be determined by the members of this crew is the length of that study, and at what size the expedition will work most effectively. Once that is decided, it could very well be that the bulk of our time will not be spent on the planet, but in travel between it and Vulcan.”

“And since the planet isn’t near any potentially dangerous areas of space, you shouldn’t have any problems.” Kirk added. “You’ll remain in orbit for three standard days. If at that time we’re unable to join you, I’ll forward the change in crew complement to Earth Space Central and you can be on your way.” He turned to include everyone present. “Any more question?”

When there wasn’t, Kirk dismissed his crew. They silently filtered out, Sulu and Uhura behind them.

“You all packed, Bones?” Kirk asked as he stood to leave.

“Well, I’m hoping we won’t be there long, but, yeah, I’m pretty much done. By the way,” he turned to glance behind himself. When he saw that it was only him, Kirk and Spock still in the room he continued, “did Sulu tell you he’s leaving for his next assignment tomorrow?”

“We talked last night. He’s been offered the position of first officer on the _Yorktown,_ ” Kirk responded. “How did you find out?”

“Nyota told me. Poor kid. This just didn’t turn out the way she thought it would.”

“It happens. Sulu is too ambitious to be tied down right now. His career is very important to him.”

“That doesn’t give him the right to break her heart.” McCoy shook his head. “Some people need to have their priorities set straight. Well, it’s his loss. As for me,” he stood up to leave, “I’ve got a few calls to make before we beam down. I’ll see you two in a couple of hours.”

“I did try telling him, you know,” Kirk noted to Spock as the door closed behind the doctor.

“You speak of Lieutenant Sulu.”

Kirk nodded. “I don’t think he took the warning seriously.”

“That he is making a mistake in leaving?”

“No,” Kirk fiddled with the stylus on the table. “That the thing he’s going after isn’t worth the sacrifice.”

“And does he believe it to be?”

“Yeah,” Kirk nodded. “At least, I think he does. Sulu’s always played things pretty close to the vest. I got the impression he was politely listening but was thinking I should mind my own business. He may be right. Anyway, there’s nothing anyone can do. I remember what I felt at his age. All I wanted was to captain a starship.”

“At his age, you were,” Spock reminded.

Kirk grimaced. “And we saw how that worked out, didn’t we?”

“Jim-”

“Don’t worry, Spock. I’m more angry than anything else. I just hope things work out better for him than they did for me.’ He shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe Sulu will find someone out there more important than having braid on his sleeve. It’s his call. But right now,” he gathered up Spock with a nod. “we’ve got our own future to worry about.”

^^^^^

They materialized about half a block away from Starfleet headquarters. San Francisco was giving its well-known imitation of a clear day as the fog was slowly burned away by the midmorning sun. Even through the haze they could see that the front steps were crawling with reporters.

“Why couldn’t they have just let you transport into the building?” McCoy asked.

“Allowing transportation in and out of a building that houses sensitive military information or felonious personal awaiting detention would hardly be the most perspicacious of ideas, Doctor,” Spock remarked.

“The most pers—what?”

“He means it wouldn’t be too bright,” Kirk answered.

“Well, why doesn’t he just say so?” McCoy groused, that familiar gleam starting in his eyes. “How in hell can you stand to live with him, Jim, what with him calling you names like that?”

“What-”

“Doctor, I was not referring to Jim or myself when I spoke of felonious personal,” Spock shot back.

“You could have fooled me.”

“That would not be difficult,” the Vulcan coolly responded.

“All right, that’s enough you two,” Kirk finally broke in. He shook his head and winked at Uhura as they started toward the building, Kirk and Spock in front, McCoy dropping back to walk at her side.

Uhura smothered a giggle as McCoy and Mr. Spock continued their sniping, though in a more subdued tone. She had thought they were doing it for the captain. It had always worked before to lighten his mood. But after seeing Kirk’s response, she wondered if they were doing it for _her._

Her parting from Hikaru had been difficult. He had left the ship a good half hour before her, so their last minutes together had been in the privacy of their cabin. And though they had both acted as if it was a temporary situation, deep down Uhura was sure their relationship was over. Hikaru had been so excited when he’d received the news of his posting; that she couldn’t go with him didn’t seem to make any difference at all.

She studied the two men who walked in front of her. Somehow, they had found something stronger than duty or ambition. Would she ever?

Then they were at their destination and the rest of the world intruded. She saw Kirk’s spine stiffen as questions were thrown his way, questions no one should ever have to answer.

“Which of you is in command in the bedroom?”

“Are you two planning on making it legal?”

“Is it true that you and Mr. Spock were caught with your pants down...literally?” A mic was shoved in Kirk’s face by one of the more aggressive reporters.

Kirk’s color drained but he continued forward. The man tried to approach him again but Spock was suddenly between them, blocking the reporter. The Vulcan didn’t even try to temper his strength and the man bounced off the immovable object now in his way and stumbled back. He fell to the pavement and there was a sudden hush, the only noise the sound of vidcameras whirling. It only lasted a few seconds and then the reporters all started talking at once.

Somehow, they managed to get through the crowd and to the doors of the building. While Spock held it open, the other three pushed their way in. The two guards stationed just inside snapped to attention, the stun rifles across their chests a ready deterrent to any unauthorized entry. The sudden secession of sound as the doors closed was slightly unnerving, especially coupled with the stern looks of the sentries. But after a thorough check of their identification, the four were allowed to proceed.

Uhura glanced at the men. Kirk was livid. After the first shock, his color had returned and now his face was flushed red. Spock’s, on the other hand, was completely without expression. Even Uhura knew it meant he was fighting to control as much as Kirk was. But for some reason, it appeared to have affected McCoy the most. He looked caught between extreme embarrassment and horror. Had the questions reopened the wounds from his estrangement from his friends?

“Well, that was lovely.” Kirk had regained his composure. He laid his hand on Spock’s arm and pulled until the Vulcan was forced to look at him. “Are you all right?”

Spock refused to meet Kirk’s eyes at first. Finally, he looked at his captain and nodded. “I am...in control.”

“How are you, Jim?” McCoy asked, his concern evident.

Kirk shrugged and gave him a lopsided smile. “I’ve been better. It wasn’t as bad as being knifed, though.”

McCoy grinned. “You should know. So now what?”

“I believe we are to wait outside the courtroom until our names are called. Since it is not a trial, each of us is to go in separately to give our statement,” Spock advised.

They checked the schedule posted on the wall. The hearing was on the third floor. They took the elevator and managed to find the room with little trouble. The double doors were closed, but Spock noted that he could hear voices coming from the other side.

“I guess we sit and wait.” Kirk walked a little ways down the hall and took a seat on one of the benches that were placed along the walls.

Uhura took the one across from him, scooting to one side to make room for McCoy.

“Aren’t you going to sit down, Spock?” Kirk looked up at the Vulcan who had followed him over.

“I will stand since the time of my deposition is approaching. I believe they should be calling me momentarily.”

Kirk reached up and tugged on Spock’s sleeve, pulling the Vulcan down to the bench. “Don’t count on it. These things never go off the way they should. What time is it, anyway?”

“Thirteen hundred hours.”

“It doesn’t sound like they’ve given themselves enough time to see all of us, does it?” McCoy asked.

“Depends, Bones. I, for one, don’t have a lot to say.” Kirk leaned back with his hands laced behind his head. “It would be nice if we could get this all over with today.”

“Yeah, Spock. Try to keep it short for once, all right?” The doctor complained.

The Vulcan looked affronted. “I always endeavor to keep my explanations precise and to the point, Doctor.”

The two volleyed quips back and forth, Kirk’s grin getting bigger with each exchange. Finally, he turned to Uhura. “I’m glad you agreed to come along, Nyota. Or all I’d have to do is sit here and listen to these two argue.”

“I’m glad you asked me. I want to help out as much as I possibly can. The _Enterprise_ just hasn’t been the same since the two of you left.”

“You realize, don’t you, that, even if they decide to give us back our commissions, it won’t necessarily mean we’ll get the ship back?”

“I know.” She nervously played with her bracelet. “It’s just that you’ve made a new life for yourselves. It feels kind of good to be part of it once more.”

He unclasped his hands and leaned forward, his words intense. “You’ll find your place again, Nyota. Don’t ever think that you won’t.”

“I hope so.” She looked up and smiled. “But until then, it’s nice to be with friends again.”

He nodded and gave her one of those smiles that had once almost captured her heart. “Well, we’re just glad you’re here.” He turned to his lover, whose argument with the doctor had finally wound down, “aren’t we, Spock?”

Spock didn’t answer. His attention was on the doors of the courtroom.

Uhura followed his gaze and gasped softly. None of the rest had heard the doors open and close. They all slowly rose to their feet. Christine Chapel stood frozen twenty feet away.

^^^^^

The thin, pinch-faced clerk standing next to Chapel broke the silence. “Mr. Spock?”

Spock hesitated, casting a glance at Kirk before reluctantly leaving his side. He approached the pair but kept his eyes on the young man. “I am Spock.”

“The tribunal is ready for you, Mr. Spock.” He moved slightly to the side and reopened the doors. “You can go in now.”

The Vulcan glanced at Kirk once more before going in. The doors were closed behind him and the clerk walked over to them. “I was told to inform you that they won’t be getting to your statements today. You’ve been rescheduled for tomorrow morning at nine hundred hours.”

Kirk swore softly under his breath. “Do you know how long he’ll be in there?”

“No, sir, I don’t. But there’s a restaurant on the fourth floor if you want to go get something to eat while you wait. I can take a note to him so he’ll know where to find you.”

“Maybe we should go, Jim. The time will go by faster. And besides, I’m hungry. It’s past my lunch time. What do you say?” McCoy asked, clearly seeing it as a way to get Kirk out of there.

Uhura glanced at Chapel. The nurse looked miserable as she bore their deliberate snub. The three men had looked right through her. Returning her attention to Kirk, Uhura caught his note of indecision. He obviously didn’t want to stay, but perhaps didn’t want to leave Spock to face Christine alone, either. Well, she could do something about that. “Captain, why don’t you and Dr. McCoy go on ahead? I’m not really hungry. I’ll wait here for Mr. Spock.”

He gave her a grateful smile. “Could you, Nyota? I’d really appreciate that. Come on, Bones. I could use something to eat, too.” He had taken a few steps away when he turned back to her. “If he comes out before we return, make sure he comes up. I don’t want him to,” he faltered, “...just tell him to join us.”

“I will, Captain. I promise.” She watched the two men walk away and enter the elevator. When the doors had closed she turned to face the woman she had once thought of as a friend.

Chapel looked ready to bolt. But then she appeared to bolster her courage and slowly approached. “Hello, Nyota.”

“Christine.”

“I...I didn’t know you were back on Earth. Are you staying long?”

“I don’t know. I suppose it depends on what they offer me next.”

“You are staying with Starfleet, aren’t you?”

“I’m not sure yet.” Uhura studied the woman. She looked tired. “What about you?”

Chapel waved her hand carelessly. “Who knows. No ship will have me.”

“You must have known what would happen, Christine.”

“Nyota, I didn’t tell on them. I swear I didn’t.”

“But how-”

“Dr. Matheson found out about them while we were on M113. You remember, don’t you? The scientists we took back there after it had been cleared for re-excavation.”

“I remember. But how? How did he find out?”

Chapel lowered her eyes. “I told him.”

“ _You_ told him? Why did you tell him?”

“It’s a long story.” Chapel grimaced. “And not one I care to tell in the middle of a public hallway. Do you think we could go somewhere to talk? I really need to tell someone...someone who was on the ship and might understand.”

Uhura hesitated. She had told Kirk she would stay here and wait for Mr. Spock. “Can I meet you somewhere? Say, tomorrow morning?”

Chapel gave her a grateful smile. “I still live in the same apartment. Do you remember how to get there?”

“Sure I do. I’ll be there around nine, okay?”

“Thank you, Nyota. You don’t know how much this means to me. I can’t bear the way they all looked at me. Dr. McCoy, the captain...Mr. Spock.”

“I can’t guarantee that will change, Christine.”

“Oh, I know. But at least now there’s a chance.” She gave Uhura a quick and unexpected hug. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Uhura watched her go. Then, with a tired sigh, she walked back over to the bench she had vacated earlier. She took a seat and settled in to wait.

^^^^^

“What are they showing now?” Kirk peeked his head in from the hallway.

“There is a storm warning for the rest of the evening.” Spock didn’t turn as he responded but pulled the sheet up to cover his naked body. He tended to get cold if Kirk was not lying beside him.

“Call me if they say anything about the proceedings,” Kirk hollered as he moved back into the kitchen area.

Spock really didn’t want to watch this. It had been bad enough experiencing it in person. He saw no need to go through it again. Though he was sure that’s exactly what would happen in the morning. He had seen the reporters’ tenacity for himself.

When Spock had finished giving his deposition, Uhura had been waiting for him outside the courtroom and the two of them had rejoined Kirk and McCoy in the restaurant upstairs. They remained for another hour, and the rain was coming down hard and fast when they finally left the building. Yet several reporters were still congregated on the courthouse steps.

McCoy and Uhura were left in peace, but he and Kirk had been surrounded. It had taken all of Kirk’s finesse to extricate them, and they had dashed into a waiting aircar.

With the rain pouring down, he and Kirk had ensconced themselves in their hotel suite to wait out the storm. Water sheeted the bedroom window as Spock peripherally watched the newscast. Kirk was curious as to the news media’s position. Spock was not.

Kirk’s soft whistle announced his return and Spock’s gaze lingered on the pleasant sight of his lover as he reentered the room. Only the tray Kirk carried disrupted Spock’s view of the healthy, male body, his semi-erect penis bobbing as Kirk hurried back to bed.

Placing the tray on the headboard, Kirk crawled in under the covers. “It is a little cool in here,” he responded.

“I shall warm you.” Spock pulled the human into his arms.

“Not now, Spock.” Kirk squirmed out of his hold. “I’m hungry. Besides, we should be on pretty soon.

“Very well.” Spock twisted around and grabbed the bowl of fruit Kirk had brought him. He could at least assuage one hunger.

They ate while several news stories played. By the time their own story came on, empty plates lay scattered on the tray. Spock had finally managed to get Kirk to lie down and he had pulled the human against his chest in a loose embrace.

“Okay, here we are.” Kirk grabbed the remote and brought up the sound.

It bordered on the surreal, Spock thought. Here was Kirk in his arms, and there was Kirk walking purposely through the crowd of reporters.

Once the clip of Kirk’s remarks was played, the broadcast switched back to the station’s anchor. Their exploits before the incident were reviewed, along with their life since.

“It sounds like we’ve got their sympathy, at least,” Kirk noted.

“That does not appear to have stopped their incessant harassment.” Spock reached over his lover’s body and grabbed the controls. “I do not wish to view more,” he stated, and turned off the vid.

“A little impatient, aren’t you?” Kirk asked as he turned himself to face Spock. “We have all night, you know.”

“This is our first occasion alone for a very long time.” He nuzzled Kirk’s neck as he spoke. He loved Kirk’s smell and inhaled deeply as his hands began to explore the body in his arms.

“I thought you didn’t mind having Bones stay with us.”

“It is not that I mind. The good doctor has done his best to be nonintrusive. Yet, it is not the same.”

Kirk squirmed closer and threw a leg over Spock’s hip, bringing their genitals in contact. “Then it’s a good thing his room is on the other side of the hotel. But I think he decided to stay overnight with an old friend.”

“I do not believe the woman in question would appreciate you calling her that,” Spock noted as he spread his hands over Kirk’s ass, his fingers digging into the pliant flesh.

Kirk playfully smacked Spock’s buttocks and then began his own exploration of that part of Spock’s anatomy. “You know what I mean.” He chuckled. “I figure after almost a month on Vulcan, Bones needed the relief.”

Spock could well imagine. There were times when he was amazed at his own sometimes overwhelming need to couple with his lover. Even after two years, it did not take much on Kirk’s part to bring him to a fever pitch.

Like now. He used his strength to roll them over until Kirk was beneath him. He grabbed the human’s wrists and held Kirk’s arms to his side as he slowly made his way down his lover’s body. He sucked and nipped at the exposed chest, leaving marks of possession. His tongue slid across one nipple and he could feel Kirk surge under him as he fought to free his hands.

“You’re not playing fair, Spock,” Kirk whispered. He writhed upward as Spock’s tongue left a wet trail along his abdomen and circled his navel.

Spock didn’t answer. The heavy cock that lay inches from his face was too great a temptation. He breathed in the smell of Kirk’s arousal as he made his way closer. He began to lightly lick the rigid column, pulling away when it surged toward him, only to return to his teasing when it fell back against Kirk’s belly.

“Dear god, you’re driving me crazy.” Kirk thrashed beneath him. He wrapped his legs around Spock’s shoulders, as if seeking to use their strength to pull him closer.

Finally, Spock took the organ into his mouth. The low moan from Kirk brought a response from his own body, and Spock felt his own shaft, already half-erect, harden into complete rigidity.

He began to slowly lower and raise his head over the lover’s penis. He would pull up until only the tip remained in his mouth, then plunge back down to take in as much as he could. Kirk matched his rising tempo, undulating his hips to push his cock in and out.

Spock found the taste intoxicating. The human’s shaft tasted of the same sweet-saltiness as the rest of Kirk’s body and Spock reveled in it. His saliva collected at the base of the organ and ran down between Kirk’s spread legs.

“Let go, Spock.” Kirk was struggling harder to free his hands. When Spock released his hold, they were immediately placed on the crown of his head. Kirk grabbed handfuls of hair and started to shove his cock in harder and faster. His head came up off the bed as he arched upward. “I’m going to come.”

Spock immediately stopped, bringing a cry of frustration from Kirk. He waited until the human had calmed and then started up again, this time keeping the pace slow. With one hand, he collected the pooled saliva onto his fingers and carefully inserted one into his own rectum. It slid in easily. Slowly, he stretched the band of muscles, working his fingers into his body.

When he knew he was ready, Spock withdrew his fingers and came up on his knees to straddle his lover. He centered the human’s cock against his anus. Gravity took him and Kirk’s penis plowed easily in until Spock’s buttocks nestled against his lover’s groin.

Kirk gasped, and his head fell back with a low groan when Spock began to move. Unhurriedly at first, Spock pistoned his hips and pushed his lover’s organ in and out, his anal walls constricting around the cock with each drive. It felt wonderful, the heavy flesh filling him, but it wasn’t quite what he wanted. He reached down and grabbed Kirk’s shoulders and used his strength to slowly and deliberately pull the human off the mattress.

Spock leaned back, bringing his lover with him until he was on his back and their positions were reversed. Yes, this was much better. He could feel the penetration so much more deeply as it opened him to Kirk’s passion. The intensity grew until the sound of their bodies slapping together joined with their moans of pleasure. He looked up and his gaze locked with Kirk’s.

The human’s eyes were glazed with arousal. Kirk grinned, reached down to wrap his hand around his lover’s cock, and pumped it to the rhythm of his pelvic thrusts. The grin slowly gave way to a look of total concentration as Kirk picked up his body’s tempo. His eyes closed.

Spock was almost there. Kirk’s organ was splitting him open, filling him with the human so that all Spock could feel was the shards of pleasure building within. Closer, closer. His balls tightened and he held his breath, only to release it in a drawn-out moan as he orgasmed, semen spewing forth in violent pulses to slick the human’s clenched fingers. Kirk threw his head back and began pounding into Spock, his hips snapping at a furious pace. Within seconds he cried out and ejaculated into the tight orifice.

Kirk almost collapsed on his lover, catching himself at the last moment on weak arms. Without hesitation, Spock reached out and pulled him down to lie atop him. Their bodies were sticky with semen and sweat, yet Spock felt only contentment and a sweeping lassitude. He could stay like this forever.

But within minutes, Kirk stirred. “I’m getting too hot.”

He reluctantly released his lover and Kirk rolled off to the side. In the renewed quiet Spock could hear the rain patter against the window. It was a sound he had always associated with Earth, and Kirk.

“I should go shower.”

Spock glanced over at his lover. “I do not wish you to go.”

Kirk grinned. “I don’t want to, either. But I’ll regret it when I wake up in the middle of the night sticky and smelling to high heaven.”

“I have always found your scent highly pleasing.” Spock reached over and ran his fingers over Kirk’s chest and belly.

Kirk playfully slapped them away. “Stop that. And you love me, that’s why you don’t notice the smell.”

Spock smiled. “That is true. Therefore, there is no need for you to shower.”

“Your logic is suspect, lover. Besides, you need one, too.”

“I believe you have just insulted me, Jim.”

A light chuckle was Kirk’s only reply. Eyes closed, Spock had almost been lulled to sleep when he felt the bed move. He reopened his eyes and lazily watched as the human got up and headed for the shower. He sighed and conceded that Kirk was right. Both would certainly sleep much more comfortably when cleansed. It took a surprising amount of effort, but eventually he rose and joined his lover.

^^^^^

The sun was out. That was something to be thankful for, Uhura thought as she hurried along the narrow street of apartment buildings. Unusual for her, she was running late. She glanced around, looking for the block that housed Chapel’s condo. It _had_ been awhile since she’d been here, back when the crew was still together and she and Hikaru were still...no, she wouldn’t go there. She spotted the correct building and proceeded down the sidewalk that led to Chapel’s apartment.

She had always liked this place. Each unit had its own front courtyard and Christine had gone all out making hers a showplace. So when she opened the gate, Uhura was surprised by the starkness that greeted her. It was almost as if no one lived here anymore. She hesitantly approached the door, relieved when the former head nurse of the _Enterprise_ opened it while she was still several feet away.

“You made it.” There was relief in the woman’s voice.

“Of course I did, Christine. I told you I would,” Uhura gently chastised.

“I know.” Chapel shook her head and laughed nervously. “I’m being silly. Come in.” She stood back and motioned to Uhura. “Breakfast is ready.”

“You really shouldn’t have gone to any trouble.” Uhura noticed that the interior looked much like the courtyard. _Nobody home._ “Are you planning on moving?”

“Yes. I already have a buyer. I need to be out by the end of the month. What’s left is just what I absolutely need. Everything else is in storage.”

“I thought you hadn’t been posted yet.”

“I haven’t,” Chapel called back as she led Uhura to the small dining area off the kitchen. She grabbed the coffee urn off the counter and poured them each a cup while Uhura made herself comfortable at the table. “But I’m not staying in San Francisco...no matter what happens.” She replaced the urn and took her own chair. “This just isn’t home anymore.”

“I know what you mean.” Uhura picked up her cup and inhaled the aroma. She always liked the way coffee smelled more than how it tasted. “But where will you stay?”

“I’ll get a studio somewhere. Something that doesn’t take any upkeep.... And wait.”

“Until you get a ship? You mentioned that was a problem because of what happened.”

Chapel nervously got up and retrieved two plates from the warmer. “Let’s eat first. I might not have an appetite later on.”

Uhura readily agreed. She was finding herself drawn more and more into her ex-command team’s troubles and she wasn’t sure she liked that. Everything was all jumbled together. The captain and Mr. Spock, her and Hikaru, Christine and her unrequited passion for the Vulcan. Maybe it would be better to just take off and start her own life again. Isn’t that what Hikaru was doing?

They ate mostly in silence. Uhura would make a remark about the food and Chapel would respond. Then the silence would return until the next time. Once done, both still seemed disinclined to start a conversation. They dawdled over coffee until finally Chapel broke the silence.

“As angry as I was at the captain, I never would have hurt Spock like that.”

“Angry?”

“Yes, angry,” Chapel answered fiercely. “He could have practically any woman he wanted. Why did he have to want Spock, too?”

“Maybe for the same reasons you did. If anyone appreciated Mr. Spock’s qualities, almost from the very first, it was the captain.”

“Maybe, but it was still a shock.”

“So what happened?”

“We were on that stupid planet, M113. God, you think they’d have given it a name by now. Anyway, most of us were forced to sleep in the building excavated by Dr. Crater. It was hot and crowded and I couldn’t sleep. I thought maybe a walk might help. It was cooler outside. And I have to admit,” she colored in embarrassment, “it occurred to me that Spock might still be around somewhere, checking on supplies or something. So I headed for where his and Captain Kirk’s tent was set up. And sure enough, there he was. I could see him about fifty feet from the tent, meditating.”

She took a sip of coffee, her expression wistful. “He looked so beautiful, Nyota, kneeling in the moonlight. There was a slight breeze and every so often it would kick up and ruffle his hair. I had almost worked up the nerve to approach him when he opened his eyes and stood up.”

“Did he see you?” Uhura found herself caught up in the story in spite of herself.

Chapel shook her head ruefully. “No. It would have been better if he had. But I think his mind was on something... _someone_ else. When he started toward the tent, I panicked and hid in the shadows. That’s when I heard them.”

“You heard them? What were they saying?”

“Saying?” Chapel’s voice was bitter. “Nyota, they weren’t doing a lot of talking.”

“Oh.” Uhura felt herself blush. She knew the men were lovers, but she still had a hard time _imagining_ it.

“Yeah, ‘oh.’ It was humiliating, but I couldn’t keep myself from listening. The things they said to each other, the things they did.” She quieted for a moment. “At that moment I hated the captain. I’d never hated anyone before. It was so strange, feeling that way about a man I admired. But all I could think was that he had what I wanted.”

“But, Christine,” Uhura hesitated, “Mr. Spock never gave you any indication that he felt that way about you. And you must have known that he loved the captain, even if only platonically. Spock had belonged to Captain Kirk for a long time.”

“Yes, I knew. But I figured it was like Kirk and Dr. McCoy. Friends. And I wanted Spock so much. Yet I had to wait there, hearing everything until they finally went to sleep. I don’t remember how I got back to the building. But Irene Norton was up and standing right outside the entrance. She saw me, half out of my mind with shock and grief. It was pretty apparent that something was wrong.”

“Where was Dr. McCoy?”

“Asleep, I imagine. Irene sat me down on one of the slabs of stone that surrounded the campsite and proceeded to get the whole story out of me. It took awhile. I wasn’t making a lot of sense. By that time I was crying pretty hard. But she managed. That’s when she told me she was going to get me some water. When she came back outside, Dr. Matheson was with her.”

“And you told him the same thing.”

“No. Well, I tried not to. I had started to realize that maybe I shouldn’t have told either one of them anything about it. But it was too late by then. Anyway, Matheson went to their tent.”

“He saw them?”

“I don’t know what he saw, other than maybe them sleeping together. I wouldn’t imagine anything else was going on by then.”

“Yeah, but just think _how_ they’d be sleeping.” Uhura pondered a moment. “I wonder why he did it. As far as I know, Dr. Matheson had no reason to hate either the captain or Mr. Spock.” She leaned over and took Chapel’s hand. “Anyway, it’s nice to know you didn’t do it maliciously, Christine. I hated thinking that about you.”

“I would never have done that, never. I tried to make that clear with my testimony, but I don’t think Starfleet was all that interested in alleviating my guilt. They wanted the basic facts: what I saw, what I said. They couldn’t have cared less about the circumstances. Do you think the captain and Mr. Spock will?”

“I think so.” Uhura hesitated only a moment. “Listen, why don’t you go with me to meet them? All three will be back at Starfleet HQ. We could join them after they finish testifying. I think if you tell them what you just told me, slightly censored of course, they’ll understand that you didn’t mean to get them in trouble.”

“I really didn’t, Nyota. And I’d give anything if I could make it up to them.”

“Then it’s settled. You’re coming with me.” She stood, pulling the other woman up with her. “I’ll help you clean up and then we’ll be on our way.”

Chapel smiled. And Uhura would almost have bet it was the first real smile the woman had worn in a long time.

^^^^^

“Where’s Spock?”

Kirk stood as McCoy approached. “I got a call from Stovan. They’re having trouble with one of the suppliers, so I sent Spock to try and straighten it out.” He glanced past the doctor to the doors McCoy had just come through. “How’d it go in there?”

McCoy grimaced. “I’ve had better times.”

“They kept you long enough. Do they want me now?”

“No, they said it would be about fifteen minutes. Seems there were a few points that didn’t quite jive with what Komack told them. I think they’re going to go over the records before calling you in.”

The two men sat down. Kirk, unable to control his nervousness, ended up on his feet, pacing the small corridor while McCoy watched in exasperation.

“Jim sit down. You’re going to wear a hole in the carpet.”

“I just want this over with so we can get the hell out of here.” Kirk checked his watch. “I hope this doesn’t take too long. I told Spock to meet us at the hotel and we could all beam up from there. That will put as right on schedule.”

“We’re not going to wait for their decision?”

”No, why should we? I’m not keeping the ship here just for their convenience. They can send us a stargram.”

“To where?” McCoy asked. “It could be months before we make it back to Vulcan.”

“Then they can just track us down,” Kirk snapped. He rubbed his forehead. “It could take days, maybe weeks, for them to make up their minds. I’d rather have something else to think about. Damn,” he glanced at the closed doors down the hall, “what’s taking them so long?”

“Jim, we’ve got plenty of time. The VSA won’t mind if we get the planet a day late.”

“ _I’ll_ mind. In fact, it might be a good idea for you to go back right now and have your stuff beamed aboard. You can keep Spock company until I get there.”

“Do I have to?” McCoy dryly answered.

Kirk grinned. “Yeah, he loves you, too. Go on. I can look after myself.”

McCoy stood up. “Well, if you think it will save time.”

“I do.”

“Okay, but I’m going to stop and pick up something to eat first. I’m starved. You’re probably going to be in there for awhile.”

“Mr. Kirk?”

They both turned at Kirk’s name.

A young clerk stood at the entrance to the courtroom. “The panel will see you now.”

Kirk threw McCoy a nervous smile and followed the young man in.

McCoy stood there a moment, worried for his friend. His own interview had been pretty rough. He hated to imagine what they would put Kirk through. But finally McCoy turned and headed downstairs.

He pushed open the door leading outside and was hit with a gust of wind. The sky was clear overhead, but clouds were building to the west. He hurried down the wide stairs that fronted the courthouse, totally ignored by the press of reporters stationed along the walkway. Well, he wasn’t the story, for which he was eternally grateful.

He maneuvered his way through the pedestrians clogging the sidewalk and was about to cross the street when he spotted Uhura and Chapel approaching the building on his right.

“Nyota,” he called and waved to the women. Both looked over and then headed in his direction. But while the young lieutenant drew near without hesitation, McCoy noticed that his former nurse hung back.

“Dr. McCoy, what are you doing out here?” Uhura asked. “I thought you and Captain Kirk were giving your statements this morning.”

“I’ve already given mine. Jim’s still in there. They’d just called him right before I left.”

“Mr. Spock wasn’t with you?”

McCoy glanced at Chapel and noticed her jump slightly at the Vulcan’s name. Not that it surprised him, but he’d hoped she would have found a way to turn her affections somewhere else by now. “He was earlier. Jim sent him on an errand. I’m meeting them later at their hotel room. But first I’m planning on indulging in a nice, non reconstituted meal. Care to join me?”

Uhura chuckled and held her stomach. “We just finished a huge breakfast. But a cup of coffee would hit the spot. You don’t mind if Christine comes along, do you?”

McCoy wondered at the renewed friendship. Maybe Uhura knew more than he did about what had happened. There was only one way to find out. “No, no problem.” He glanced at the other woman. “How have you been, Nurse Chapel?”

She looked at him in surprise. “Fine, Dr. McCoy. And you?”

“Oh, fine, fine.” McCoy didn’t know what else to say, and all three stood as the silence grew. Finally he cleared his throat and announced gruffly, “Well, come on. The restaurant’s a couple of blocks that way.” He nodded his head in the direction behind them and, grabbing each by an arm, led them away.

^^^^^

“So, that’s how they found out.” McCoy digested the information as he picked at his salad. He was relieved to find Christine had been only indirectly involved with what had happened to his friends. He put his fork down and leaned forward on the table. “Christine, I don’t know-”

“How they’ll respond? Leonard, I don’t expect them to welcome me back with open arms. Just because I didn’t purposely get them in trouble doesn’t mean I’m not partially responsible. If I hadn’t been such a fool, none of this would have ever happened.”

Uhura reached over and placed her hand on Chapel’s arm. “You shouldn’t say that. You didn’t know Dr. Norton would tell anyone else.”

Chapel shook her head and laughed ruefully. “I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about my stupid crush on Mr. Spock. The man never gave me a second look. He rarely even talked to me, usually only when he had no other choice. But did that discourage me? Oh, no, not me. I was going to get his attention one way or the other. Well, it looks like I succeeded. He must hate me.”

“I don’t think he hates you,” McCoy responded. “Truth be told, I don’t think Spock has it in him to hate anyone. It wouldn’t be ‘logical.’”

“Maybe not for himself. But I didn’t hurt just him. Even before I knew they were lovers it was plain to me that Jim Kirk was the most important person in Spock’s life. No one’s that blind.”

McCoy chuckled. “Don’t you believe it, Christine. I hurt them, too. And believe me, Spock let me know how he felt about me hurting Jim. But he forgave me. They both did.”

“Do you think, if I went to see them,” Chapel began hesitantly, “they might let me explain?”

“I don’t see why not. Listen,” McCoy checked his watch, “Jim’s probably still in court. It’s only been two hours and they had me in there for almost four. But Spock is probably back in their room. I’ve got to get my stuff beamed back up to the ship first, but why don’t you come with me? Both of you?” He looked from one woman to the other. “I’m sure they’ll want to say goodbye, Nyota.”

“Oh, Nyota, would you? I could really use the support,” Chapel pleaded.

“I did want to see them one more time. Who knows when we’ll all be together again.” Uhura nodded. “You’ve talked me into it.”

“It’s settled then.” McCoy caught the waiter’s eye and motioned for the check. “We’ll get my things squared away and then head on over.”

They left the restaurant and made their way along the street back to the hotel. While they walked, McCoy couldn’t help but notice the changes in his former nurse. She had lost weight. And there was a defeated air about her that seemed to weigh her down. It looked to him as if Christine had already paid a dear price for her lack of judgment. He hoped his friends would see that.

It took them about ten minutes to get back to his room, and then another ten for him to finish packing his things and get them beamed to the ship. McCoy gave the room a last cursory check before locking it behind him. “Jim and Spock’s room is on this floor, but it’s quite a hike. I think they purposely took one at the other end of the hotel,” he grumbled.

“Why would that be, Doctor? Don’t tell me you have the habit of barging in without announcing yourself?” Uhura asked.

“Who, me?” McCoy chuckled. “You might have a point. Hell, maybe I’ve been living with them too long.”

“You live with them?” Chapel sounded surprised.

“Just for the last three weeks. It’s only temporary, until I can find my own place. Believe me, I don’t want to spend the rest of my days living with those two. Ah, here we are,” McCoy announced as he reached the door at the end of the hallway and knocked.

The door flew open, catching him off guard.

“Spock?” Kirk looked past McCoy. He peered down the hallway, visibly upset. “Isn’t he with you?” he asked, finally acknowledging his friend, but barely glancing at the two women.

McCoy gently pushed Kirk back into the room. “Slow down, Jim. I thought Spock would be here.”

Kirk shook his head and then ran his fingers through his already mussed hair. “He was supposed to be. But he never made it back from the supplier’s.”

“Did you call them?”

“Of course I called them!” Kirk angrily responded. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Yes, I called them, as soon as I got back. They said he’d just left.”

“Well, then, he should be here pretty soon. I don’t understand why you’re so upset.”

“Because that was over an hour ago!” Kirk turned away and began pacing. “It’s not like Spock to not let me know if something came up. He would have got word to me if he could.”

McCoy motioned the two women to sit down as he approached his friend. He grabbed him by the shoulders to stop his frenetic motion. “Are you sure he isn’t on the ship?”

“I already called them, even before I knew he was missing. When I got back and he wasn’t here, I packed up our stuff and had it beamed to the ship. I figured he’d be back any minute. But after he didn’t return from the supplier’s, I called the ship again. They haven’t heard anything. I’ve got them scanning the area for him.”

“How long?”

“It’s been about thirty minutes. But there are a lot of Vulcans in this area. It makes it harder to distinguish his readings from everyone else’s.” Kirk pulled away and took a seat. He eyed Chapel suspiciously and then looked back at the doctor, silently demanded an explanation.

McCoy walked over and took a seat next to Kirk. “She has something she wants to talk to you about...you and Spock.”

Kirk lowered his head. “Now’s not a good time, Bones.”

He saw Chapel start to rise and stopped her with a shake of his head. If something _had_ happened to Spock, Kirk was going to need all the help he could get. McCoy returned his attention to his friend. “Listen, for all you know it’s just a big mistake. Spock could come waltzing in here any minute now.”

“God, I hope you’re right, but I don’t think so.” He shook his head and looked up. “I’ve got a really bad feeling about this, Bones. Spock’s in trouble. I know it.”

“Because of your bond?”

“No...I don’t know. It doesn’t normally work that way. When we’re close, when we’re touching,” he colored slightly, “I can feel what he feels. I’m aware of, not his thoughts, exactly, more like his mood.”

“I always imagined you could read each other’s minds.”

“Spock can, if we’re in a meld. But I’m not a telepath. Yet,” he faltered, “something is telling me he’s not close. And that every second he’s getting further away.”

“Well, let’s see what the ship comes up with. No sense looking for trouble.” McCoy patted his friend’s shoulder. Kirk didn’t respond.

The minutes dragged by. It worried McCoy how Kirk seemed to be drawing in on himself, as if putting all his concentration on the bond that linked him to his lover. Kirk’s eyes had closed and beads of sweat stood out on his forehead.

It was the one part of their relationship McCoy had never been able to understand. What could it do to Kirk if there was something amiss with Spock?

When Kirk’s communicator finally beeped, they all jumped. Kirk eyes popped open and he fumbled with the devise. “Kirk here.”

“Captain, we have been unable to locate Mr. Spock. He is not within five hundred kilometers of your present location.”

Kirk took a deep breath. “Stovan, stand by to beam us up. Continue the search, but I also want you to start a check on every ship that’s left Earth in the last two hours. Find out who owns them and their destination. I’ll expect the list by the time I get to the bridge.”

“Yes, Captain.” There was no hint of hesitation. After a moment he added, “The transporter room has signaled they are ready to bring you aboard.”

Kirk turned to McCoy. “You ready?”

McCoy nodded. He noticed the two women whispering furiously to each other as he and Kirk moved to take their positions.

“Captain?” Uhura rose and approached them. Chapel was directly behind her. “If it’s all right, we’d like to go with you.”

“Are you sure, Nyota? It could take awhile to find him.”

She looked back at Chapel who nodded in agreement. “We’re sure. Both of us are officially on leave. It’s are own time,” She turned to face Kirk again. “And we want to help.”

“All right,” he answered, his voice husky. He waited until they were in place before giving the command. “Four to beam up.”

^^^^^

Kirk sat in the darkened cabin. He didn’t want the lights on. If they were on, he would be able to see that he was alone and that Spock’s valise still sat at the foot of their bed waiting to be unpacked.

He leaned back in his chair. God, his head hurt. Stupid idea, trying to reach Spock through the bond. He should have known he didn’t have the talent for it. But he couldn’t just sit and do nothing while they remained in Earth orbit. What little could be done, _was_ being done. Yet he felt paralyzed.

A preliminary list had been waiting for him. He’d gone directly to the bridge, wanting to at least feel he was being of some help. They had quickly narrowed down the possible suspects, though they hadn’t totally ruled out the possibility that Spock was still on Earth. But it wasn’t happening fast enough for him, and his growing anxiety showed in his impatient questions and constant badgering. Finally, he’d left for his cabin to try the one thing it was in his power to try.

But this was worse. All he could think about was all the people he and Spock had made enemies of over the years. His lover could be anywhere, taken by anyone. It was a huge galaxy; a person could be successfully hidden for years...or forever.

The sound of the door signal reverberated through his skull. He barely managed to respond in a tight voice. “Come.”

McCoy and Sator walked in. McCoy had a strange look on his face; if Kirk didn’t know better he’d almost say excitement.

“Sator and I have been talking.” McCoy announced.

Kirk looked from one man to the other. “You’ve got a plan.”

“Sator thinks you might be able to reach Spock through your bond.”

“I’ve already tried that. All it’s done is give me a headache.”

The healer stepped forward. “That is because you are attempting it on your own. I believe that if we were to meld, I should be able to ascertain Spock’s location or the direction he may be traveling in through your connection with him.”

“Why didn’t you say something before?” Kirk snapped.

“It is not...pleasant and could be dangerous.”

“In what way?”

“I will be entering into a place that has only known the two of you. You will instinctively try to fight me off. And the process of using your mind as a conduit will create sensory distortions.”

“Sensory distortions? Like what?””

“You will feel pain where there is none. Sight and hearing could be intensified or muted. Time will lose all meaning.”

“But you think it will work.”

“Yes, I believe so.”

Kirk quickly got up and came around the desk. “It’s worth a try then. Where do you want me to sit?”

Sator motioned toward the sleeping area. “I think it best that you lie down. It will be quite strenuous. You will be incapacitated for sometime afterwards.”

He hurried over to their bed and stretched out. As an afterthought, he pulled off his shoes and tossed them aside. “I’m ready.”

McCoy had his monitor out and held it over Kirk’s body. “I’ll be watching to make sure you’re okay.”

“It doesn’t matter. We need to find him. How far down have they narrowed the list?”

Sator sat on the bed next to him. “To five ships. But they are going in as many directions. Captain, as I stated, this could be dangerous. I cannot minimize the risk to you, and perhaps, to Spock.”

“Why Spock?” Kirk asked.

“If he is in a position where he needs all his mental skills, it could be a distraction.”

“We need to find him.” He motioned McCoy closer and grabbed the doctor’s arm. “Bones, if it turns out he’s on a ship, tell Stovan to leave orbit and follow at warp six.”

“Jim, that’s going to be pushing the ship to its limits.”

“Do it, McCoy. That’s an order.”

“He will be advised, Captain,” Sator interposed. “You must relax.” He pulled Kirk’s arm down and then settled his hand on Kirk’s face.

Kirk had never melded with the healer. When the powerful mind flooded his consciousness, his first reaction was to fight back. It took all his energy to allow the dominance and accept Sator’s invasion of the bond.

He thought he heard McCoy cry out, but the words weren’t distinct over the pounding of his own heart. He closed his eyes on the brilliant white light that lanced above him and gasped for air as his body arched off the bed. The hand on his face seemed to be gouging into his brain. He tried to strike out, but a heavy weight settled on him as his hands were captured and held down.

Kirk screamed in outrage and terror. He was being burned alive by the suffocating heat radiating off his tormentor. He was trapped in an inferno of noise and pain that would not end.

The bond was stretching thin, and it felt like it was taking his mind with it. Minutes became an eternity and by the time the healer released him, he was soaked in sweat.

Suddenly, McCoy was at his side handing him a glass of water. “It’s all right, Jim. It’s over.”

He sat up and tried to take the glass. But his hands were trembling and McCoy ended up having to hold it for him. Nothing had ever tasted better as he swallowed it down in hearty gulps. When the glass was empty, he let go and took the towel McCoy had brought from the bathroom. He shakily wiped the perspiration from his face and then looked at the healer standing on the other side. “Did you find him?”

“Yes, James. I will notify Stovan immediately.”

Kirk nodded and then allowed McCoy to help him undress. He barely had the strength to stand, his limbs heavy with fatigue. Sleep was dragging him under as he was settled beneath the cool sheets. He could hear the two men conversing as he lay there. He thought to respond, but consciously was slipping away and his eyes slowly closed. He was so very glad it was over. But he’d do it again if it meant getting Spock back. He’d do anything.

^^^^^

He slowly rolled on his side, not wanting to further distress his system with any jarring motion. It was to no avail. Spock lurched to his feet, and barely made the commode in the corner before losing the contents of his stomach.

Once he was sure the spasms had stopped, he turned to the nearby sink. He rinsed out his mouth and then used his hands to cup the water and splash it on his face. He looked around as he wiped his face with the sleeve of his tunic. Other than the cot he had been lying on and the bathroom facilities, there was nothing in the cell. The door to his prison held a small barred window at its center. He looked up. Two meters above his head, a single light burned.

Spock sat back down on the cot and tried to remember how he had ended up here. He remembered getting to the supplier’s office. The misunderstanding had been easily remedied, and he was on his way back to the hotel room within twenty minutes. He had entered an aircar...white mist, a pungent odor....then nothing.

So, he had been drugged—no wonder his body’s reaction. But who had taken him? And why? He knew he would get no answers until his captors made themselves known to him.

He didn’t have long to wait. Within minutes, he heard footsteps approaching, the metal floors clanging with each step. Was he on a ship? Yes, though almost imperceptible, now that his system was clear he could feel the slight throb of the engines. There was the sound of the lock disengaging and then the door swung wide.

“Outside, Vulcan.” A burly Vulcanoid male stood on the other side. In one hand he held a phaser, pointed directly at Spock.

 _Vulcan?_ It would seem the man before him was not; Romulan, then. Spock stood up and started out. As he passed through the doorway, the guard grabbed his arm and pulled him around, causing him to stumble and fall against the wall on the other side of the walkway.

“Get up! They’re waiting for you.” The Romulan brandished the weapon in his hand.

Spock pushed himself up and rose to his feet. With a gesture, he was directed down the narrow passage and up a flight of stairs. The next floor up appeared to hold a line of laboratories, white sterile rooms visible through the large windows set equidistance apart. Next to each was a door.

“In here.” The guard stopped at one of the doors. He unlocked it and motioned Spock inside.

Another man stood before a large array of equipment, his back to them. “Please prepare the subject, Centurion.”

“Over there.” The centurion pointed to one of the examination tables.

Spock glanced at the door and then back to the guard. The odds of a successful escape attempt were slim. Better to wait for a more favorable opportunity. He walked over to the bed.

“Strip.”

Spock’s eyebrows went up and he looked over to the other man at the controls. “Is this necessary?”

The man turned slowly around. He didn’t respond to Spock’s question, but spoke instead to the guard. “Persuade him.”

He didn’t see it coming. The glancing blow of a phaser set on low stun would not cause unconsciousness, but it was, nevertheless, painful. It doubling him over and sent him to his knees.

“I said strip.”

With an effort, Spock got to his feet. He managed to undress without any more of the guard’s “persuasion.” Afterwards, his ankles and wrists were strapped to the bed and sensor patches attached to his body. A devise he recognized from sickbay to remove bodily waste covered his groin. A cuff was wound round his arm and he felt a pinprick as a drip was started.

Several seconds passed before Spock began to notice the effects of the drugs being slowly fed into his body. He could feel his controls slipping away, to be replaced by a strange lassitude. When his captor approached the bed, Spock was not disturbed in the least—even when the strange helmet, bristling with probes, was placed on his head.

^^^^^

Uhura grabbed a cup of coffee from the food replicator and took a seat at one of the tables. Is was only five hundred hours, and the dining room was empty. It gave her a chance to ponder the last twelve hours.

She’d been on the bridge when Captain Kirk had left for his cabin. She’d never seen the man so on edge. His crew appeared to take it in stride and Uhura thought they probably understood, better than she ever could, what was happening to him and made allowances for it. He was one of them, now. So they carried on, fulfilling his orders in quiet competency.

Next thing she knew they were streaking through the galaxy, on their way to who knows where. Somehow they had managed to locate Mr. Spock. Or, at least, the direction he was heading in. She’d stayed late on the bridge, hoping there would be some news, but finally retired to the cabin she shared with Chapel. It had been empty.

Uhura had dozed off and on through the rest of the night. But true sleep was elusive. Her mind wouldn’t turn off. When she wasn’t wondering about Sulu, her friends’ dilemma dominated her thoughts. Once again, she’d allowed herself to be caught up in lives not her own. Finally, she’d dressed and found herself here.

The doors opened. Chapel entered and waved before detouring to get some coffee of her own. She came up to the table and sat across from Uhura. She looked tired, but strangely content.

“I’m glad you decided to break away for awhile,” Uhura remarked. She’d called and managed to pry the nurse out of sickbay, where she had been helping McCoy.

“I don’t think I’ll sleep all the time we’re here.” Chapel held her cup in both hands, her elbows propped on the table.

“Why not?”

“Don’t you feel it?” There was an renewed energy to the woman as she threw one arm wide in an all-encompassing motion.

Uhura glanced around and then back at her friend. “What? Something in here?”

Chapel smiled. “Not just in here. All over. It’s like contentment pervades the ship. It’s wonderful. No wonder they don’t want to go back.”

“Who told you they don’t want to go back?” Uhura realized with a shock how defensive she sounded.

“Dr. McCoy. Well, not in so many words. It’s just a feeling I get from him. We’ve talked a lot today, about a lot of things. And the impression I get is that Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock are quite happy with their lives just the way they are. And after spending a day on board,” she gave a look of wonder, “I certainly understand why.”

“Christine, what are you thinking?” Uhura’s eyes narrowed.

The nurse shrugged, affecting an air of nonchalance. “They need a nurse. The woman who was helping Sator before had to leave.”

“You must be joking! Why would you put yourself through this again?”

“Through what? It’s a job, isn’t it?” Chapel asked indignantly.

“Not for you, it can’t be. Don’t you understand? You’d have to watch them together, I mean _really_ together. They don’t act like they did on the _Enterprise_. They’re not afraid to show what they are to each other.”

“I know he’s with Captain Kirk, Nyota. But I could see him again. That’s all I’m asking for.”

“Oh, Christine, you can’t mean that,” Uhura gently chastised. “Besides, what if they don’t find Mr. Spock?” she added quietly. She had no idea where the information had come from regarding the Vulcan’s whereabouts. Who was to say it was accurate? “Could you handle that?”

“I don’t know. But I can’t imagine I’d be any worse off than the captain. I could maybe even be of some help to him.”

“Because you love Mr. Spock, too? Somehow, I don’t see the captain wanting to commiserate with you just because of that. He probably would want to be left alone.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But, I don’t think so.”

“Why? How do you think the captain will react?”

“Truthfully?” Chapel shook her head. “Once, I would have sworn he’d be all right. Oh, he’d mourn for awhile. But then he’d pick up the pieces and get on with his life. Maybe even remarry, though I found it hard to imagine it would be with another man next time. But now, after the way Leonard talks about them, who knows what he’d do. I don’t think even he knows.”

Chapel grew quiet and that’s when Uhura realized her friend was studying her. “What?”

“For someone who’s telling me not to let my emotions interfere with my judgment, you’re taking their problems awfully personally.”

“They’re my friends. How else would I take it?” Indignation colored her words.

“Hey, don’t get mad. I know you care about them, Nyota. But it’s more than that. I thought _my_ life was off-track. But you seem to have involved yourself with these two men almost as much as I have.”

“Have I?” Uhura hadn’t realized how much it showed. “I guess you’re not the only one who fell in love with a man who wasn’t interested.”

“Are you talking about Hikaru? I thought you two were getting along just fine.”

“We were; we are. But I thought there was more to love than just ‘getting along.’”

“And what? You think maybe what Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock have will rub off?” Chapel asked. The words, though harsh, were spoken with concern.

“I don’t know what I think. But somehow I always end up living their lives instead of my own. And I don’t seem to be able to stop. Why hadn’t I already found a new posting when this happened? Hikaru did. His career is so important to him, Christine. I thought mine was to me, too. Yet, here I am, going who knows where just because that’s where _they_ are.”

“I’m the wrong one to ask since—” Chapel abruptly stopped, her eyes drawn to the doorway.

“What is it?” Uhura turned her head to see Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy walk in. The doctor nodded in their direction but motioned Kirk to a table on the other side of the room. Kirk didn’t even glance their way.

The doctor sat the captain down and then moved off to get them both some coffee. Kirk sat alone, unmoving, tight lines of worry lining his eyes and mouth. He looked pale.

“You shouldn’t be up,” McCoy scolded as he took a chair across from Kirk. “You had no business going back to the bridge.”

Kirk rubbed his face and took the steaming cup of liquid. “Drop it, McCoy.”

“No, I’m not going to drop it. You look like hell. Do you think your falling apart from exhaustion is going to help Spock any?”

“I got enough sleep.”

“You could have fooled me.”

“Obviously.” Kirk’s lips quirked into a smile. “I’m fine Bones, really. It’s just that I’m worried. Aren’t I allowed that?”

McCoy studied him a moment before responding. “Okay, I’ll let it go for now. But, Jim, you don’t look fine.”

“Ever had your brain stretched across the galaxy? It’s no fun. And it takes a lot out of you. But Sator doesn’t seem to be too concerned, so why should I? It did what it was supposed to do. That’s all a care about.”

“Do you feel anything from Spock?”

Kirk shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of. I never did. It was as if I were only a conduit. He was the one who reached Spock, not me.”

“And that bothers you.”

“Maybe.” Kirk shrugged. “I don’t like the idea of someone else being that close to Spock. Isn’t that weird? I’ve never been the jealous type. I wouldn’t have thought I would be, even with Spock. Hell, I know I’m not. When T’Lena made a play for him I was more amused than anything else...until she got nasty about it. But this, this is something altogether different.”

“He’s foolin’ with something no one but you is supposed to touch.”

“I guess.”

“Well, just think of what T’Mala must have gone through. At least you were part of the procedure. As far as I know, Sator didn’t even advise her as to what he planned to do.”

Kirk thought about that for a moment and then decided that maybe he was being ridiculous. “Anyway, it’s given us a direction.”

“So what now?” McCoy asked.

“There were only three ships going in this particular direction that left Earth at the correct time. One belongs to Starfleet and another is a registered supply ship.”

“And the third?”

“Is the one we’re following. It’s a freighter that pulled in a couple of days ago from Vulcan. I had the company they work for checked out. It’s legit. The manager we contacted said they hadn’t had any contact with the ship for over a month, which, apparently, isn’t uncommon. But the ship’s manifest they filed says their destination is Tellar. Pretty strange for a ship leaving Earth and heading in the direction of the Romulan neutral zone.”

“So you think the Romulans are behind this? If they are, why take Spock and not you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he was easier to get to. Somehow I don’t think our status as enemies of the state has anything to do with it, though.”

“Why not?”

“Because Spock is now the fourth Vulcan to be reported missing in the last month. Coincidence? I doubt it.”

McCoy took a sip of coffee and made a face. “You think they could make this any stronger?” he complained and pushed the cup away. “So who were the other three?”

“I’ve got someone looking into that right now. If we can figure out what the four have in common, it might give us a clue as to why they took Spock.”

“How soon will we catch up with the other ship?”

“If we’re lucky, in about thirty-six hours.”

“What do you mean, ‘if we’re lucky?’ What can go wrong?”

“We’re pushing the ship pretty hard.” Kirk leaned back and tried to relax. The nagging worry that he wouldn’t get to Spock in time wouldn’t loosen its hold on him. He had the ship at warp six, a speed the small craft wasn’t built to sustain for any length of time. Anything could go wrong.

Is Stovan worried about it?”

“He advised me to drop back to warp four.”

McCoy took a deep breath. “Jim, we’ll never get Spock back if something happens to the ship.”

“I know. I keep thinking about that. But, Bones,” Kirk couldn’t keep the fear completely from his voice, “what if we’re too late?”

^^^^^

It was cold. Spock was unable to control the shivers that coursed through his body. But whether it was the cold or fear that caused his reaction, he was unable to say. He did not know where he was, or how long he had been there.

The euphoria that had taken him as the drug entered his bloodstream had not lasted. Apparently, all it was designed to do was make him compliant long enough for the device to be attached to his skull. Stabs of pain had brought him to awareness. A ghastly invasion had forced him away from it.

Then, for a time without end, he had barricaded his mind behind shields never meant to take such battering. The probes pressed against his brow seemed to be burrowing into him, digging into his brain as if to ferret out some unknown secret. The pain had been excruciating as the power that poured down his neural pathways manifested itself physically. All his mind’s strength was being used to protect itself. Nothing had been left for the rest of him.

He remembered the humiliation of crying out as he futilely tried to break his bonds. He could feel the rawness at his wrists and ankles where the straps had cut into his flesh. Finally, it had ended. For over an hour now he had lain in the cold and attempted to rebuild his shattered controls. He was still trying to assimilate the experience when his captors returned.

It was the same two men and he wondered if there were anymore on board. The guard positioned himself near the door while the other man approached him. He removed the contraption from Spock’s head. The fluid drip was also removed, as well as the devise from his groin.

“How are you feeling?” The man ran a medical tricorder over Spock’s body as he spoke, but his eyes never left the readout panel.

“I am functional,” Spock croaked.

“You withstood the first treatment quite well.”

Spock blanched. First treatment? “What is it you wish from me?”

“Not you specifically. It was sheer luck that we managed to acquire you as one of our subjects. Though the information we desired was not readily available, certain individuals, through various circumstances, came to our attention.” The Romulan put down his tricorder and began to unfasten Spock’s fetters. “The strength of your telepathic abilities is well documented due to your involvement with Starfleet.”

“And you wish to test that strength?”

“Not so much test as learn what causes it. Here,” he finished unfastening Spock’s bonds and reached over to the bundle of clothes on a nearby stool, “you may dress now.”

Spock slowly sat up. His equilibrium was not what it should be, and he swayed slightly. He finally succeeded in standing and began to don his clothes. “There has been much published as to how telepathy manifests itself within the Vulcan brain. I do not understand why you felt the need to conduct your own studies.”

“There has been nothing published on how to duplicate it.”

In the process of refastening his tunic, Spock looked up sharply. “Romulans no longer have this ability.”

The man smiled. “They said you were highly intelligent. Interesting situation, don’t you think? Romulans did not retain their telepathic powers. Why is that, do you think? The Vulcan brain cannot be so different. Our people have not been apart that long. So it would stand to reason that, once the mystery is solved, we should be able to awaken that part of our minds. However, I seemed to have miscalculated your people’s ability to resist.”

“Then I am not your only subject.”

“No, there are others. Unfortunately, two have died. But we learned from our mistakes. It appears frequent but brief applications work better than attempting to break down your barriers all at once. Today was only the beginning for you. More treatments have already been scheduled.” He turned to the centurion stationed at the door. “Return him to his cell.”

With unsteady steps, Spock managed to make it back to his cell. He lay down on the bed, exhausted. Yet he was unable to quiet his thoughts. He could not allow them to break through his shields. But he feared that, if today was any indication, it would be extremely difficult to prevent it. The machine was highly effective. He’d felt the tendrils of power working their way into his mind. Only the fact that he had been relatively rested and his shields strong when the treatment had begun had allowed him to resist today.

He did have a few options, all of which were not without peril. If that peril had been to himself alone, he would not have hesitated. But any option could effect Kirk as well.

First, he could will his own death. At this point, he felt he still had the mental discipline to do so. After more “treatments” he could not say if that would still be the case. The death of a bondmate did not necessarily bring about the death of the other. But Kirk would not be aware that Spock had died. And being human and a non-telepath, he might not have the ability to fight off the effects of a broken bond even if he knew. And Spock did not wish to die.

Second, he could withdraw deeply into his own mind. Hopefully, that would be enough to protect him from the probe’s digging. Unfortunately, he could end up going _too_ deep, which would again bring about his and perhaps Kirk’s deaths. Or almost as bad, he would be unable to resurface once the danger was passed. In that case, he would be tying Kirk to what would in essence be a mental “black hole.” Ultimately, the bond would reach out and draw the mind of his bondmate down with him.

Third, he could try to combat it as he had today, using his shields to fight off the probe. If he succeeded, there was little the Romulans could do outside of killing him, and he didn’t believe they would do so immediately. He would gain days that Kirk would need to find him. Unfortunately, he felt his odds of successfully repelling the invasion for any length of time not satisfactory.

Given his options, Spock settled on the one he felt gave his bondmate the best chance for survival. He sat up and prepared for meditation. He would allow himself one attempt at shielding his mind from their device. If it became evident that he could not win, he would withdraw into himself and take his mind where nothing could reach it.

As he sank into another state of consciousness, he could not halt the sting of sorrow that came with his decision. If not death, than non-awareness could be his final destiny. He would never again know the joy of Kirk’s presence, never again join with him in love and desire. He longed to see his lover one last time.

^^^^^

The briefing room was full when Kirk walked in and took his habitual place at the head of the table. Most of his first shift bridge crew were on hand, as well as McCoy and Sator. Sukar, his communication’s officer, sat to Kirk’s right next to the computer terminal. It took a great deal of effort on Kirk’s part to ignore his disturbing reaction at seeing someone else sitting there, someone other than Spock.

“What have you found, Sukar?” Kirk leaned forward and gave his undivided attention to the young Vulcan.

“These are all the kidnap victims.” He turned on the central viewer.

Kirk studied the six pictures that appeared in two rows of three. All were Vulcan, but that was their only similarity. Four were male and two female, but their ages took in a wide span of years. The oldest looked to be somewhat older than Sarek, while the youngest was almost a boy.

“Six victims? I thought there were only three other than Spock,” McCoy queried.

“There were when we left Vulcan, Doctor. But there were two more between then and Mr. Spock’s disappearance,” Sukar responded.

“Is there anything to tie them all together?” Kirk interjected.

“Not that I have found so far, Captain. One of the older men is a historian, a teacher. The other is also a scientist, but his field of expertise is quite different from Mr. Spock’s. He is an archaeologist. He was, in fact, taken from the dig where he was working. The older woman is a diplomat, the younger a caregiver. The young man was still in school.”

“How about a personal link, maybe someone they all knew, or came in contact with?”

“Anything is possible, Captain. But it’s highly unlikely. None of these people travel in the same circles. Two are from the same area of Vulcan, but that seems to be mere coincidence. I have looked through their schooling, family history, social strata. I can find nothing.”

“There’s got to be something. I can’t believe these six were picked randomly.” Kirk turned to McCoy. “What about medical history?”

“There is no medical condition the six share, no common ailment. In fact all six are extremely healthy individuals.”

“Could that be it?”

“I would doubt it, Captain,” Sator replied. “The vast majority of Vulcans have gone most of their lives without illness. It is something we learn to overcome while still quite young.”

Kirk closed his eyes. This was getting them nowhere. It was ironic that Spock was who they needed to find the common thread. Even for a Vulcan, his intellect was formidable. His eyes snapped open. “Sukar, what about intelligence? Where are the other five on the scale?”

The young Vulcan glanced at Sator before bringing his hands to rest on his lap. “It would not be in their records, sir.”

“Why not?” Kirk asked.

“It is considered too personal,” the healer interjected.

“Their intelligence?” McCoy asked incredulously.

“Intelligence in Vulcans is often linked to the strength of their telepathic abilities. That is an area of our lives known only to those closest to us.”

“Can you get that information, Sator?” Kirk hoped it wouldn’t come to a test of wills with the healer. It wasn’t a contest he was sure he could win.

Sator appeared to contemplate the matter for a few moments before turning to Sukar. “If you would allow me?” he asked as he pulled the terminal around. He typed something in and then returned the computer. “You should be able to collect the information now.”

The young Vulcan started his search. It only took a few seconds before the pictures on the screens were replaced with six graphs. All six showed a huge spike in the third column. But Spock’s was clearly the largest.

“I believe we have found the pattern we were looking for,” Sator responded. “The trait all six of these people share is extremely powerful and well developed telepathic abilities.”

Kirk sat back, torn between relief at having found the connecting thread and dread at what it might mean. Dread won out and he gave voice to the thought that popped into his head at that moment. “Romulans no longer have telepathic powers. I wonder what they would do to regain them.”

^^^^^

The attack went on and on as his shields slowly shattered. He expected them to fail at any moment, letting in the machine’s malignant power. He was losing his fight, his strength ebbing away with each attack. Spock shuddered and let out a hoarse scream when the probes sent another surge to batter at his wounded mind. Pain was a well-known companion now.

If he could only hold out just a little longer. Surely he had been here a great length of time. The session had to be over soon. It had to be. He had tried to withdraw from the torture. But the constant bombardment had left him too weak to call forth even the simplest mental disciplines, much less the rigid controls needed to instigate the burying of his own soul under such conditions.

He thought of his lover with regret. Spock would fail not only his people, but his t’hy’la as well. His inability to defeat the mind probe could leave Vulcan open to possible attack; the Romulans were not attempting to regain their telepathic abilities for nothing, and Kirk, he knew, would take on the responsibility for it all. It was his way. The human didn’t know what it was to surrender.

He felt the last of his strength slipping away when the attack suddenly stopped. It took several seconds for his limbs to stop their trembling and his gasps to finally quiet. Spock opened his eyes.

Across the room, the Romulan doctor studied the readouts on his equipment. After a moment he turned and gave Spock a studied frown. “You are proving to be stronger than the rest. I suppose it is to be expected. Your telepathic rating is the highest of the group.”

Spock swallowed, trying to wet his dry lips. His throat was raw. “You will not succeed in this. There is no substitute for the mental and emotional discipline that has allowed us the full use of our minds, a discipline your people were disinclined to follow.”

The doctor approached the bed and began removing Spock’s restraints. “You may be correct. But if I am able to discover a way to do so, not only will my own future be assured, but also that of my people. You of the Federation have held us back for far too long.” He stepped aside and began running a medical scanner over Spock’s body.

Free from his bindings Spock tried to sit up but could do so. It was not weakness, more a numbing of his extremities. “I am unable to rise.”

“It should pass after a few minutes.” The Romulan helped him to sit up. “Testing on...volunteers has shown that the damage does not become permanent until after several probings.”

Spock looked up in alarm. “There are those-”

“I told you we greatly desired this information.” The doctor slowly pulled back and seemed satisfied when Spock was able to stay upright on his own. “You see, it’s passing already,” the Romulan noted before moving off to study the scanner’s readout.

Spock didn’t answer. The sensation in his arms and legs was most unpleasant, but he was relieved when they finally responded to his mental commands. After several minutes he slipped clumsily off the bed and managed to keep on his feet as long as he held on to something for support.

“Your guard will be here shortly. You should be able to walk by then.” The doctor walked back and handed him his clothes.

It proved difficult, but Spock was able to dress without aid. The fastenings gave him trouble, but he finally succeeded in buttoning his tunic. The pants, with their drawstring waist, were even more difficult and he gave them only a perfunctory tie. He was pulling on the slipper-like shoes when his guard showed up.

“I want him returned at the end of his sleep cycle,” the doctor ordered. “I believe his next session will be the deciding one.”

With a curt nod, Spock was motioned out the door. He was still having trouble walking, and each time he stumbled the guard was there to encourage him with the menacing club he carried. A phaser was not even needed anymore. Spock would have been unable to manage more than a pathetic response even if an opportunity for escape arose.

But they did not know that he had already planned his escape. Not a physical one, by no means, but an escape nevertheless. His body would be here for them to do with as they pleased, but he would not. He regretted this had turned out to be his only alternative. But he felt that Kirk would understand.

Once back in his cell, Spock lay on his bunk and got as comfortable as he could. He closed his eyes and, one by one, barred the passages to his mind. Deeper he retreated, throwing barricades behind himself as he went. And when he reached the core of his being, there was nothing to light the way for any who would attempt to follow.

^^^^^

Kirk rubbed his forehead. The headache was getting worse as he tried to pay attention to what his chief engineer was saying. He didn’t like what he was hearing. “You’re sure about this?”

“Quite sure, Captain,” Stovan responded. “The ship was not built to sustain this speed for any duration. We must drop to warp four or risk damaging it.”

“How long before we can return to her present speed?”

“I do not know. If there has already been damage done, we will need time for repairs. If not, the engines must still be tested and recalibrated to make sure there will be none.”

Kirk stared at his folded hands on the desk. Finally, he nodded. “Drop speed to warp four. But let me know the minute you know anything.”

“Yes, sir.” The Vulcan turned from the room and was gone.

With a sigh, Kirk stood and headed for his bed. There wasn’t much to do as they slowly gained ground on their quarry, though reducing the ship’s speed would now add days to the chase. Damn it! They had been so close.

He’d thought about returning to the galley. He knew Uhura spent most of her time in the one area where there was bound to be people. But for some reason, the idea of company was not pleasant. He’d have to act optimistic, when all the time what he felt was a gnawing fear that he wasn’t ever going to see Spock again.

He kicked off his boots and lay down on the bed. He ordered the lights to their lowest setting, darkening the room to match his mood. The sheer hopelessness of the situation was pulling him down and he couldn’t find the will to pull himself back up. He was tired of fighting: Starfleet, illness, the Federation court system...the Romulans. Was this the price he and Spock had to pay for daring to be together?

A sudden chill caused him to turn on his side and pull the blanket over himself. The slight whiff of his lover’s scent as Kirk buried his face into the pillow only deepened his misery. His body and mind ached for Spock. Their bed was both a haven and a torture for him now. But he needed sleep.

He was just dozing off when someone buzzed for admittance. He almost didn’t answer. Finally, he dragged himself from the bed, not even bothering to put on his boots. He grimaced in annoyance when the door opened and McCoy and Sator walked in.

“What can I do for you, gentlemen?” Kirk caught the glance McCoy threw at the healer. Great. All he needed was to be mentally dissected by both medical men. He motioned them to the room’s sitting area.

They took their seats, McCoy and Sator across from Kirk. McCoy cleared his throat. “How are you feeling, Jim?”

“How do you think I’m feeling?” Kirk asked, sarcastically. “Spock has been kidnapped by Romulans, chances are they’re frying his brain as we speak and we’re following in a possibly damaged ship. I feel just great, Bones.”

“We were just informed that the ship’s speed was decreased,” Sator noted.

“Then you know how I feel.”

The healer studied him a moment. “You do not look well.” He reached across and lightly touched Kirk’s temple.

Kirk pulled back in anger. “I think I’ve got a reason for that.”

“There is more to this than Spock’s absence.”

“What are you talking about?” McCoy interjected. He pulled out his medical scanner and passed it across Kirk’s body. “Everything I’m picking up can be accounted for by the undo stress he’s under.”

“There are some things that your equipment cannot record, Dr. McCoy. There is a weakening of his life force. It is almost imperceptible at this point, but it will grow over time.”

“What did you see?” Kirk asked.

“There is something interfering with your bond to Spock.”

“What is it?”

“That I do not know. I would need to reestablish a link between us.”

Kirk took a deep breath and then sat forward to make it easier for the healer to reach him. “Will it be like last time?”

“No. The ‘path’ I will take through you to Spock is already in place. There will be no pain this time.”

It only took a few seconds. It struck Kirk odd that he felt nothing, nothing at all. But when Sator dropped his hands, Kirk knew he wasn’t going to like what the healer had found. He was getting very good at reading Vulcans.

“Spock has thrown a shield around his mind.”

“I thought he did that all the time.” McCoy looked questioningly from one man to the other.

“This is more than ordinary shielding, isn’t it?” Kirk asked.

Sator nodded. “He has, in essence, buried himself behind it. It is not temporary.”

“Wait a minute,” McCoy interjected, “are you telling us he won’t be able to get out? Why would he do that?”

“Because someone, or something, is trying to get in.” Kirk rose and walked over to his desk. He sat down and turned on his computer, pulling up the files on the six missing Vulcans. He scanned the dates and time when each had disappeared. “I wonder how many of them have had to do the exact same thing, and how many have died because of it.”

“Perhaps, all,” Sator stood and came to stand next to the desk. “for no Vulcan would allow himself to be used to the detriment of his own people. Spock has done what he must to ensure the Romulans did not get what they were after.”

“What will it mean for me?”

Sator features softened, and Kirk almost swore he could see regret on the Vulcan’s face. “He may pull you in after him. He is already drawing on your physical strength. Eventually, he will call on your mental strength as well.”

They both heard the chair shoved back as an angry McCoy stood and approached them. “And then what? What happens when he runs out of strength?”

“We’ll both die, won’t we?” Kirk looked up at Sator. It was almost a relief.

“Perhaps, I am not certain. The bond varies from couple to couple. It could have a minimal affect or pull you to your death. I will truly regret if this is what comes to pass, James. But I do not believe Spock would have done this if given another choice.”

“I know that. What can I expect...if the worst happens?”

“It will not be painful. You will slowly weaken. Your thoughts will become disjointed. Eventually, you will fall into a deep sleep, and then coma.”

Kirk pressed his lips together and nodded.

“Can’t you do anything?” McCoy asked.

“I could attempt to add my strength to his—”

“No,” Kirk immediately responded. “It could end up killing you, too. And then T’Mala.”

McCoy came around and grabbed Kirk by the arm. “Jim, he might be able to keep you going longer, maybe give you enough time to find Spock.”

“ ‘Might be able to’, ‘maybe give me enough time’? That’s not good enough, Bones. Not when it could kill Sator. Besides,” Kirk turned away and put distance between him and his friend, “I don’t believe Spock will let it happen. Don’t ask me how or why I think that, because I couldn’t give you a good answer if you did. I just know what’s between me and Spock could never hurt me.”

“Quit being a fool! I know you love him, but stop trying to blind yourself to what could happen.” McCoy was almost shouting.

“I’m not.” Kirk looked at the doctor with affection. “Don’t try to understand it, Bones. Just know that whatever Spock needs, I’m more than willing to give. Besides, it’s only until we find him.”

“Finding Spock may make no difference at this point,” Sator interjected. “He may be unable to surface from the depths to which he has taken himself. But if you feel it would be of assistance, I am willing to be of service.”

“I thank you for the offer, Sator. We’ll see,” Kirk finally answered.

“I will be in sickbay until you call on me.” The healer walked to the door and then stopped. “They say that near the end the bond draws the two together and each becomes aware of the other. But it is only myth,” Sator added before he took his leave.

“Did you hear that, Jim? What if we find Spock and he’s so far gone he’s beyond help?” McCoy asked, dejectedly.

Kirk studied his friend for a moment. There was so much McCoy would never understand; no one could who had never joined with another has he and Spock had. Nothing Kirk could say would change that, so he fell back on the one thing he knew for certain. “He’ll never be too far that I won’t go after him, Bones. The universe just isn’t that big.”

^^^^^

Uhura watched the stars stream by from the window of the observation deck. It seemed even Vulcans could be enraptured by the sight of the universe’s most ancient inhabitants. She’d been surprised by, and then grateful for, the small room located toward the back of the lowest deck. After that first visit with McCoy, she had found herself returning time and again.

But tonight, for some reason, the vista of stars didn’t have the power to move her. Perhaps the fog of depression that had settled over the ship could not be lifted by something so remote and untouchable. The heart of the vessel was dying, and all aboard her were already in mourning. And that, too, had been a surprise.

Spock had always been her idea of a Vulcan. But the three years Uhura had served with him had brought little understanding of that quiet, dignified man. If in all that time he had released control of his emotions, she had never seen it. Perhaps Kirk was the only one who had. These people, on the other hand, were warm and approachable. Their reserve was not forbidding, and their sorrow at what was happening to their captain and his bondmate was heartbreaking.

She had seen Kirk just a few hours earlier, pacing nervously on the bridge, as if he could make the ship go faster with his distracted motion. Forced to drop their speed to warp four, the vessel they’d been following for several days now was slowly coming into reach. But not fast enough for the man chasing it.

And it was beginning to tell. Kirk seemed remote, the bright incandescence of his personality muted. He was quiet. Too quiet. It even seemed as if he had lost more weight. The sight of him was becoming painful as he held in his grief and pain. She had even waited until he had left the bridge to take her own leave. She couldn’t have borne the small confines of the turbolift alone with him.

Uhura suddenly turned from the window and left the room. She needed activity, not the cool serenity of the OD. She hurried to her cabin and grabbed her workout clothes. Maybe an hour on the mats would dispel her depression.

The gym was nearly empty when she entered. She almost turned and left when she saw its sole occupant. Kirk stood toward the end of the room, his back to her. But something in his bearing made her stay. She let the door silently close behind her and stood in the shadows, watching him.

He was dressed in white. The soft pants were formfitting, but not tight; the top, a tank of the same material. The shoes he wore reminded her of ballet slippers and his wrists were wrapped. His entire being seemed focused on his task as he chalked his hands; he seemed light years away.

Kirk put down the chalk and turned to approach the rings that hung suspended from the ceiling, the long ropes bringing them almost within reach. He gathered himself and then leapt the few feet to grab hold. He hung there for several moments, his head back.

Then his right leg began to move, forward and back in a whipping motion. His body followed, and each time the force of the motion brought him a little higher, until he rose high enough to lock his arms to his side and hold himself there, balanced on the visibly shaking rings.

Uhura could see the effort in his face. It was taking all he had to keep the rings against his body and not let his arms pull away. Fascinated, she moved closer but stayed out of his line of sight.

The swiftness of his drop startled her. One moment he was holding himself rigidly in place; the next he was down, the momentum of his weight and the slightly swinging ropes carrying him up and over. His body flipped end over end, his arms seeming ready to dislocate, giving the movement its name. Again and again, he looped through the air, one dislocate after another. He was flying, his muscles stretching, obeying his commands as he pushed his body to its limit.

She had never seen anything as beautiful...or frightening. He seemed to need to be able to exert control over something, _anything,_ to blunt his feelings of helplessness. He was flying; and somehow, she knew, he had Spock with him, too.

Then, just as suddenly, he stopped and held himself in the position he had started from. He readjusted his grip and slowly pulled his legs back and up, at the same time unlocking his elbows and moving his upper body forward. The muscles of his arms bulged under the strain as, inch by inch, he lifted himself, not stopping until he was handstanding on the rings. Again he waited, the ropes moving even more as he fought to keep the rings beneath him.

With held breath she watched him fight both gravity and his own body. Finally, he let himself fall and swing through another dislocate. Three hundred and sixty degrees and then he let loose of the rings, his body continuing its spin, arching over and landing him on his feet.

Kirk stood with his arms out and let his eyes close. It was as if he didn’t want to let go of the moment; wanted to remain in that other place where there was no lost lover, only peace and the oneness they shared.

Yet Uhura was not surprised when his arms came down to his sides and his eyes opened. He had never been a man to run from anything. This, too, he would face head-on. He had started in her direction, though she knew he couldn’t see her, when his legs gave out from under him and he fell senseless to the floor.

^^^^^

He felt bile hit the back of his throat as he came to. Kirk rolled over and vomited into the bowl that magically appeared next to him. He wretched for over a minute, dry heaves wracking his body long after he’d emptied his stomach.

He felt the slight prick of the hypodermic and the almost instant relief it delivered. His insides settled down and he flopped back onto the bed.

“Feeling better?” McCoy asked, his words laced with both worry and anger.

Someone started the mechanism on the bed, and Kirk was slowly brought to a slight recline. He waited until the bed stopped to open his eyes. His hand shook as he took the offered towel from the doctor to wipe his mouth. “What happened?”

“You passed out. What the hell do you think you were doing, anyway? Sator told you something like this could happen. Nyota told me what you did. Blast it, man, you don’t have the strength for that kind of thing.”

“Obviously, I do. And I needed it.”

McCoy shook his head and helped Kirk off the bed. “You could have killed yourself. If it hadn’t been for Nyota, you’d still be on the floor of the gym. Come on. I’ll help you over so you can wash out your mouth and change into something more comfortable.”

Kirk looked down at himself. He was still in his gym clothes. “How long was I out?”

“Not long. Maybe twenty minutes. Sator said not to wake you, that you’d come around on your own.”

McCoy led him into to the small bathroom and stood by while Kirk rinsed out his mouth and began to undress.

“Where’s Nyota now?”

“I made her leave...along with half the crew. You caused quite a stir.”

“I’ll have to thank her for that.” Kirk was working to get off his pants when the doctor handed him a hospital gown. He looked up in surprise. “What’s this for?”

“If you think I’m releasing you, you’re crazy. You’re staying right here for at least twenty-four hours.”

“I can’t do that. I need to be on the bridge when we finally catch up with that ship.”

“Which won’t be for another thirty-six hours, at least. I mean it, Jim.” McCoy shoved the gown at him. “You’re under medical surveillance until I say you’re not. And I’m not saying you’re not until I’m sure you’re okay.”

Glaring at his friend didn’t seem to do any good, so Kirk grabbed the offending garment. He hated wearing these things. “I know it won’t do any good, but I’m telling you, I’m fine.”

“Oh? You usually pass out after physical exertion?” McCoy sarcastically asked.

“I miscalculated, that’s all.”

“Miscalculated what?”

Kirk grew pensive. “How much it would take to touch him.”

“I don’t understand. You ‘touched’ him?”

He smiled, slightly abashed. “Maybe ‘touch’ isn’t the right word. Sometimes when we’re apart, if I try really hard, I can...feel him, his aura, for lack of a better word. Since I’m no good at meditation, I’ve got to be doing something that takes a lot of concentration.”

“I hope you at least learned something from this.”

“He’s alive, Bones. Don’t look at me like that,” Kirk remarked, annoyed by the look of incredulousness on McCoy’s face. “I know I’m not a telepath. But something’s going on up here.” He touched his forehead. “Maybe Spock’s Vulcanness is rubbing off.”

“You’re crazy, you know that?”

Kirk didn’t know if McCoy was kidding or not. He laughed anyway. “I know that,” he replied as he shrugged into the gown and tried unsuccessfully to gather the ties in the back.

“Here, turn around.” McCoy chuckled as he closed up the back of the robe. “You know, the design of these things hasn’t changed in hundreds of years.”

“Why not?” Kirk allowed the doctor to help him back to his bed. His legs felt like rubber and he knew he’d never have been able to make it across the room on his own. It still rankled.

“I’m not sure.” McCoy lowered the bed again and pulled the blanket up to cover his friend. He dimmed the light. “Maybe to keep recalcitrant patients from thinking they know more than their doctors. There’s nothing like having your ass hanging in the wind to knock a person down a peg. Now get some sleep. I’ll be back in a little while to check on you, so no sneaking away, you hear?”

“Yes, Mother.” Kirk’s eyes were already closing when his friend left the room. But less than a minute later he heard a soft swish as the door opened and closed again. “You forget something?” He didn’t open his eyes.

“I...Doctor McCoy sent me to give you this.”

Kirk’s eyes flashed open. Christine Chapel stood at the foot of the bed, a glass of some chalky fluid in her hand. He pulled the blanket up to his chest, feeling ill at ease and oddly vulnerable knowing he wore next to nothing under it. “What is it?”

She approached the bed and handed him the container. “It’s for your stomach. He said you’d probably feel better with something in it.”

He came up on one elbow and took the glass, quickly swallowing the liquid down. “That’s about the nastiest stuff he’s come up with yet.”

Chapel gave a tentative smile. “He said you’d say that.”

She’d taken the cup and was starting for the door when Kirk called out. “Wait.”

The woman turned, slightly fearful.

Kirk tried to convey a non aggressive demeanor. “Bones said you had something to tell me.”

“I don’t know if now is such a good time. You should be resting.”

He shrugged. “I can’t. Bones just doesn’t understand.”

She walked back to the side of the bed. “Doesn’t understand what?”

“That as long as I’m alive, I have to _feel_ alive. Did Dr. McCoy tell you what’s going on?”

“A little. He had to if I was going to be able to help out.”

Kirk nodded. “Did he tell you that Spock might be dying?”

“Yes, and that you might be, too.”

“Maybe. In any event, I know my limits. It may not always seem that way, but I do. My giving Spock energy to continue didn’t have anything to do with what happened.”

“So your passing out was only a slight miscalculation, was it?” She colored and looked down. “I’m sorry. I had no right saying that. I...I overheard...”

He studied her a moment. He knew he looked like hell. She didn’t look much better. “So what was it you wanted to tell me?”

She brought her head up, apparently surprised he had returned to the previous topic. “I wanted you to know, you and Spock, that I wasn’t the one who went to the authorities about your...relationship.”

“No?”

“No. I can’t say I’m not partially to blame. I’m the one who told Dr. Norton about it.”

“Irene?”

“Yes, she and Dr. Matheson got it out of me.”

He frowned. “When was this? When we were taking them to M113?”

Her color deepened. “No, while we were _on_ M113.”

“I don’t...” He suddenly remembered their stay on that planet. He and Spock were newly bonded and having a hell of a time coming to terms with the change in their relationship. But that night, everything had finally come together for them. _They_ had come together, as Spock’s physical desire for him awakened. He had gone back to the ship the next day tired and sore...and happier than he’d ever been. He blushed furiously. Damn, how many people had seen them at one time or the other?

“I didn’t see anything,” she hurriedly responded and then blushed to rival Kirk’s. “But I did find out. I was so hurt. I know I had no reason to be. Spock was never mine.”

“It still can hurt.” He smiled gently. How easy it was to be gracious when you were the one who had won. “I’m glad you told me.”

Her smile returned, more sure this time. “So am I.” She took a deep breath. “I feel like such a weight has been lifted. I couldn’t stand the idea that he...that the two of you hated me.”

“You still love him, don’t you?”

“Yes, I can’t seem to stop.”

“Christine—”

“Don’t say it.” She shook her head. “I know he’ll never be anything but yours. When I think back, I think he always has been. I probably knew it then, but I refused to admit it.”

“It just seems such a waste. If you found someone else...” He quieted when he saw the look of gentle scorn on her face.

“Could you? _Will_ you if you have to?”

Kirk didn’t have to think about it very long. “No, I suppose not. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, there are worst things. I could never have loved _anyone_. I’ll be okay.” She took his hand for a moment and lightly squeezed. “I know you’ll take care of him. Now go to sleep before we both get in trouble.”

He watched her leave and then lay in the darkened room, wondering if he could have been so gracious a loser. Probably not, he thought as he turned on his side and pulled the cover up. But Spock had been his forever. No matter what happened, he always would.

^^^^^

The small ship was a slowly growing speck on the view-screen. T’Para estimated they would be within hailing distance of the Romulan vessel in one point two minutes. Kirk sat outwardly calm in the captain’s seat, though his insides were churning. They were almost into the Neutral Zone. If there was any chance of getting Spock back, it would have to be now.

Unfortunately, they only had low-grade phasers. This wasn’t a military ship. The phasers were in case of an unexpected attack, and were only meant to buy them time until help arrived. He would have to bluff the Romulans into giving up their hostages.

“Since the ship is not of Romulan design, it may not be armed.”

Kirk glanced at his navigator. “I hope you’re right, T’Para. Sukar, open hailing frequencies,” he ordered.

“Yes, sir.” The young Vulcan turned to his board. “I have them, Captain.”

“This is Captain James Kirk of the VSA ship, _Warrior’s Oath._ Please identify yourself.”

There was nothing. Kirk waited twenty seconds before reiterating his request. When there still was no answer, he turned to his helmsman. “Stenn, lock phasers on target, stun force only.”

“Phasers locked, sir.”

“I repeat, this is Captain James Kirk. If you do not identify yourself we will be forced to fire upon your ship.” Kirk turned to communications. “Anything?”

Sukar was listening intently into his earpiece. After a moment he nodded. “Yes, sir. They are now responding.”

“Can you get a visual fix?”

The Vulcan was busy at his controls for a moment. “Coming on screen.”

Kirk swiveled his chair forward. A dour looking Romulan, perhaps middle-aged, appeared. Kirk leaned forward, studying the man. He wasn’t dressed in Romulan military fashion. Perhaps luck was on their side.

“This is Tazon, chief scientist. This is a research vessel, Captain. You have no right—”

“If you _are_ a research vessel,” Kirk interrupted, “you’re a Romulan one, which puts you on the wrong side of the Neutral Zone.”

“A failure in our navigational system. As soon as we discovered it, we corrected our course. If you will allow us, we will be on our way.”

“Interesting how you discovered your error while in Earth orbit, Tazon...and registered as a Vulcan freighter.” He saw the Romulan visibly blanch. Maybe they weren’t armed.

“You are mistaken, Captain. We were studying a nearby nebula when we inadvertently crossed the Neutral Zone. I promise you, our intentions are to return to our own empire with all speed.”

 _I’ll just bet they are._ “The Federation does not take such intrusions lightly, whether accidentally or not. It would be best if my engineer were to examine your equipment to make sure it is, indeed, in working order.”

“That will not be necessary. I have been assured all repairs have been completed.”

“I insist, Tazon.” Kirk’s voice steeled. “I would prefer this be done amicably. But it _will_ be done. Lower your shields and prepared to be boarded.”

The Romulan hesitated but, apparently realizing he had no alternative, finally nodded. “Very well, Captain Kirk. Our shields are down.”

Kirk rose and motioned to Stenn, “Take the con. Keep the phasers locked on that ship. If you don’t hear from me in five minutes, fire on it. Sukar, have Stovan, Dr. McCoy and four security men meet me in the transporter room.”

When he entered the turbo, Kirk slumped against the wall and closed his eyes. Only minutes left and he would have his lover back. The healer’s fears had been groundless. Whatever Spock had needed to take from him, he had been able to give. He was still on his feet, and he took it as a sign that Spock was still alive and well. As the lift slowed, he straightened and his command persona was in place when he reached the transporter room.

Inside, he was met by a contingent from security. While he gave them their orders, Stovan appeared with his equipment. Somehow, he would have to disable the ship in full view of its crew to give the rest of them time to find Spock.

Kirk was strapping on his weapon when the doctor entered, Christine Chapel at his side. “Bones, I can’t have—”

“Just hold on, Jim. I might need the help. We don’t know what we’re going to find. Besides,” he lowered his voice and motioned Kirk aside, “she wants to go with us. I think it’s something she feels she really needs to do.”

Kirk looked at the nurse. A certain calm had settled on her since their conversation. Yet he knew she would never have contentment, not as long as she yearned for something she would never have. Maybe, in some strange way, this would help her. She was giving Spock the one thing she could, her expertise as a nurse. “All right, Bones. Just tell her to be careful.” He turned to the rest of the landing party. “Okay, everyone. We don’t know what kind of reception we’re going to get, so stay alert.”

^^^^^

Kirk tried to take in as much of he could as they were led from the transporter to the Romulan ship’s engine room. They had been met by Tazon and their party escorted directly to their destination. They passed two other crewmen, both dressed in quasi-military attire, but Kirk figured there couldn’t be too many more on board. It was a small ship.

The engine room was state-of-the-art, though. Kirk called his ship and then stood by as his engineer began his work. Stovan’s barely contained excitement as he scanned the equipment would have been amusing under different conditions. All the while Tazon waited close at hand, never taking his eyes off the engineer.

“What kind of research do you do, Tazon?” Kirk asked, trying to redirect the Romulan’s attention.

The scientist answered without looking at Kirk. “As I mentioned earlier, Captain Kirk, we were studying a nearby nebula. It has some rather unique properties.”

“It’s a pretty small ship. How many are there of you?”

Tazon glanced at Kirk for only a second. “There are only four of us on board. Myself, my two assistants and the pilot who seconds as the engineer.”

“You like to live dangerously. If you were to get into trouble—”

“A distress call would be sent out. We are not totally cut off.” Now he looked at Kirk and held his gaze. “Our government is aware of our position. A flagship would be here within minutes.”

“How could they know where you are, if you didn’t?” Kirk coolly asked.

Just then McCoy interrupted. He was studying the tricorder he had discreetly been monitoring. “Jim, I’m picking up Vulcanoid readings.”

Kirk turned sharply to him. “Where?”

“One deck down.” The doctor readjusted the controls. “Looks like two of them.”

“Tazon?” Kirk’s gaze swung back to the Romulan.

“That is not possible, Captain. I assure you. There are only Romulans on board. Your crewman must be mistaken.”

“I’m not mistaken,” McCoy bristled. “The differences between Vulcans and Romulans is small, but unmistakable.”

“Come on. I think we need to take a look around.” He motioned to two of the security men. “You two stay here with Stovan. The rest of you, come with me. All right, Tazon.” He aimed his phaser at the Romulan. “Lead the way.”

Tazon looked as if he was about to refuse, but when Kirk stepped closer and brought his phaser to within inches of the scientist’s face, the Romulan reluctantly led them from the room.

They took a flight of stairs to the deck below them. A door opened to a long corridor with what looked like laboratories lined up on either side. Tazon approached the second door on the right.

“Hold it.” Kirk stepped forward and motioned Tazon out of the way. While one security guard kept his phaser trained on the Romulan, Kirk cautiously opened the door and looked around. Nothing moved. “Okay, inside.”

Inside, the room was filled with monitoring equipment...and one bed. McCoy rushed over to the motionless figure on its surface. It was a naked male. A waste processor straddled his groin and his features were obscured by the helmet-like devise that covered his head. Off its surface spiked an array of probes. “What the hell is this?” the doctor demanded.

“It is a neural locator. Much like the Klingon mind-sifter, it works its way into the subject’s mind and seeks out whatever it is programmed to find,” Tazon answered with a hint of pride.

Kirk approached the bed. Whoever it was, it wasn’t Spock. Kirk would now his lover’s body anywhere. And though full-grown, this Vulcan had the not-quite-developed body of a very young man. He turned to the Romulan scientist. “Take it off him.”

With a scowl, Tazon complied.

“The student,” McCoy noted when the device was finally removed.

The young man didn’t move. He might as well have still been under the machine’s control.

“Can you do anything for him, Bones?” Kirk asked.

“Not here. We need to get him back to the ship. I’m going to need Sator’s help with this one.”

Kirk opened his communicator. “Kirk to Stovan.”

“Stovan here.”

“How’s it coming?”

“It is most unfortunate, Captain. There seems to have been some sort of engine malfunction. It will take three point seven hours to implement repairs.”

Kirk grinned. “Good, keep at it. We’ve found one of the abductees. I’m having him beamed to the ship with McCoy. Kirk out.”

“What about Spock?” McCoy asked. “You’re going to need me here, Jim.”

“This boy needs you, Bones. I’ll find Spock, don’t worry.”

“I’ll stay, Doctor.” Chapel stepped forward. “I can help the captain.”

“Go on. We’ll be right behind you, soon as we find the rest of them,” Kirk insisted.

The doctor grudgingly gave in. Kirk called the ship and ordered the transport, and as the beam took McCoy and his patient, walked over to Tazon and pushed him toward the door. “Okay, where are the rest of them?”

“There is only one other.”

“There have been six Vulcans taken.” Kirk glared at the man. “What happened to the rest?”

“They died. We disposed of the bodies.”

Kirk blanched. Four had died. Was Spock one of them? He tried to speak but found his voice blocked by a lump of fear. He cleared his throat. “Show us the other one.”

The next room was set up the same way. Again a lone figure lay on a single bed. But this time the room was dimmed and the machines were turned off. Kirk edged closer. Though his loins were covered with the waste disposer, there was no neural locator about the subject’s head. It was Spock.

“Turn on the lights,” he snapped.

Kirk didn’t know who responded to his command. He couldn’t look away from his lover. The Vulcan had lost weight. Several tubes snaked around him and to the cuffs on his arms. His nose and mouth were covered with a respirator. But for the slow rise and fall of his chest, he could have been dead. Kirk finally tore his gaze away and looked at Tazon. “What’s wrong with him?”

The Romulan made a disgusted noise. “He has become like the others. They cowardly retreat into themselves rather than continue to fight. Eventually, they die. This one, I had hoped to be able to revive and continue the treatments. The young one, though, I believe we were about to succeed with him.”

Kirk caught himself as he instinctively began to lunge for the man. Instead he flipped open his communicator. “Stovan?” There was no answer. Kirk tried again, but got no reply. Finally, the communicator crackled to life.

“Captain, we have come under attack by the ship’s crew,” Stovan calmly responded.

“How many?”

“Only two, I believe. But I will be unable to complete my work.”

“Is the ship functional?”

“I do not believe so.” Stovan’s voice was drowned out by an explosion.

“Stovan, are you still there?”

More noise, and then the Vulcan was back. “Yes, sir. Should we attempt to hold our position?”

“No, find a place out of range of their fire and get back to the ship. We’ve found Spock, but the rest of the abductees have been...disposed of.”

“I understand, Captain. We shall return to the ship and await your signal.”

“We’ll be right behind you. Kirk out.” He turned his attention back to Romulan. “Your ‘assistants’, I assume.”

Tazon smiled. “All Romulans are trained in the use of firearms, Captain Kirk. We know how to defend ourselves. Once they have dealt with your engineer, they will be coming for you. And I’m sure by now one of our ships is on its way.”

“We won’t be here. Christine, get Spock ready.” He called over the security men and motioned to Tazon. “Bind him.”

“It does not matter, Captain Kirk. You will not succeed. He might as well be dead.” The Romulan struggled while the guards secured him.

Kirk ignored him and moved back to where Chapel had begun to work on Spock. She almost had him unhooked from the medical equipment.

“Watch out!”

The shout from one of his guards saved him as a phaser blast shot by Kirk’s shoulder and he dove for the floor. At the door, two Romulans fired a continual barrage. Off to his right, the two security men had ducked behind some of the equipment and were returning fire. He crawled to where his view was unobstructed and added his phaser fire to theirs. They were running out of time.

Kirk’s communicator beeped. “What is it?”

It was Stovan. “We were awaiting your signal, Captain. We must depart immediately. Long range scans show a Romulan ship less than three point two minutes away.”

“Damn it!” Kirk got another shot off. “Have the transporter room standing by. As soon as I give the word, beam all five of us over. Kirk out.”

Finally, Kirk got a clear shot and one of the Romulan’s went down. It left the other wide open. A shot from one of the security men ended it. Kirk leveled himself up off the floor and turned back to the bed where his lover lay. The tubes had all been removed...and Christine Chapel slumped lifeless over Spock’s body.

^^^^^

Uhura was in the transporter room when the last of the boarding party coalesced on the transporter pads. Kirk was carrying Spock in his arms. The Vulcan was wrapped in a blanket, and his head had fallen against Kirk’s chest. Even from where she stood, she could see how the life had been almost drained from him.

The two security men were to their right. In the arms of one was the body of her friend. McCoy stonily came forward and took her while Kirk gently deposited Spock on the gurney they had ready. The trip to sickbay was made in silence.

Once there, McCoy and Sator quickly sequestered themselves with Spock in the back room. Christine’s body was taken by one of the techs who would prepare it for its journey back to Earth.

Uhura watched the medic leave with his burden. She almost followed him but then decided against it. There was nothing she could do for Christine now. And they were all still in danger.

The captain had left for the bridge from the transporter room after receiving a message that Tazon’s distress call had been answered. When _Warrior’s Oath_ had attempted to move off, they had found themselves locked in a Romulan bird-of-prey’s tractor beams.

Uhura decided to go to the bridge. When she got there Kirk was already trying to break the enemy ship’s hold on them. Stovan was throwing every system they had into the engines. So far, it hadn’t helped. All requests for communication had been ignored and the ship was being slowly pulled toward the Neutral Zone. They would cross into it in seven minutes.

Uhura was mesmerized by the Romulan ship that filled the viewscreen. She had nothing to do, was extraneous on this ship, so she would spend her last minutes watching the instrument of her destruction. She knew Kirk well enough to know that if they couldn’t escape he would allow the ship to blow up rather than let her fall into the hands of the Romulans. She really couldn’t blame him. No one knew what it was to be a Romulan captive. She certainly didn’t want to be one of the ones to find out. And they knew what would be in store for the Vulcan crew.

She glanced at Kirk. He was so calm, there in the center seat. No one looking at him would know that the man he loved was slowly dying in sickbay, or that there was a pretty good chance he would be joining him. Only determination showed on his face.

Is that how Hikaru felt? Is that what had caused him to leave her behind? Kirk had found a spirit to match his own in Spock. Was Hikaru looking for the same thing? She looked around the bridge. She was going to die, on a ship that wasn’t hers, in a place not of her own choosing. Bitterly, she realized how much she regretted her recent decisions.

She had been unwilling to let go of the past. Kirk and Spock had made their own lives. They didn’t need her. All along, it had been her needing them, or at least the safety and familiarity they represented. She had gone into Starfleet because life on Earth was not enough. When had space become too much? When had she let her dreams die?

The ship gave a violent shudder and the lights flickered. She heard Kirk swear and then give more orders. He would not give up. And if he missed the one who always stood at his side, he didn’t let it deter him.

“Engines are superheating, sir,” the engineer quietly announced.

“How much time do we have, Stovan?” Kirk asked.

“The engines will explode in approximately four point three minutes.”

Kirk turned to his helmsman. “How soon to the Neutral Zone?”

“We will cross into it in eighty-seven seconds.”

Kirk nodded. He turned and smiled at her. She didn’t know if it was his way of apologizing or giving comfort. She supposed it didn’t matter. One way or the other, they would no longer follow the same path.

The ship shuddered again and she saw Kirk’s hands tighten on the armrests.

“Sixty seconds to the Neutral Zone,” Stenn calmly announced.

Uhura almost laughed. How very Vulcan. But then she saw him reach out and take T’Para’s hand. A looked passed between them and then their hands moved back to their boards.

The explosion caught them all unaware. Suddenly the viewscreen was filled with a blinding light and the ship lurched back.

“All engines stop!” Kirk commanded. He frowned at the screen. “What the hell happened?”

“Signal coming in, Captain,” the communications officer announced.

“On audio, Sukar.”

“This is Captain Maunder of the _USS Yorktown._ I heard you needed a little help.”

^^^^^

“How is he?” Kirk asked nervously. He was sitting in sickbay while the two medical men hovered over him. He looked from the Vulcan healer to his friend. “Bones?”

“He’s not coming out of it, Jim,” McCoy answered. “Sator’s tried, but he’s just not responding.”

“What about me? I’m his bondmate. He should respond to me, especially with this open channel between us.”

“I do not advise it,” Sator intoned. “You are human. Your mind does not have the ability to force a joining. And the pathway I opened between you would be incapable of allowing that level of communication, not at your instigation in any event. It would be Spock’s mind, unconsciously attracted to yours, that would in actuality be creating the link. Thus far, you have been for the most part unaffected by his state. If you were able to meld with him, he would most likely pull you in with him. It is too dangerous.”

“You thought that before, but it didn’t happen. He’s all alone right now. He doesn’t know that he’s safe.” He stood up. “I’ve got to try. If something happens, at least we’ll be together.”

“But you will not be together.” The healer moved to block Kirk’s path. “You will be caught between where you are and where he is. Is that something you are willing to hazard? To be locked in a mental limbo that could last for years? Or do you imagine that Dr. McCoy or I could be called on to take your life?”

“That won’t happen,” Kirk responded.

“You don’t know that!” McCoy exploded. “Damn it, Jim, listen to sense. Spock’s dying. There’s no reason for you to go with him!”

Kirk turned and studied his friend for a moment. “I thought you had accepted what was between me and Spock. I thought you finally understood that much at least.”

“I have. But this is insane. People don’t throw away their lives for love.”

Kirk thought about Christine. Isn’t that exactly what she had done? The phaser blast that had taken her life was meant for Spock. She had used her body to shield his. The burns left by the phaser hit had proved that. What he was willing to attempt at least gave promise of reward. He might get Spock back. She had asked for nothing but forgiveness.

He wanted his lover, alive and whole. The thought of the long, empty years, the place in his mind where Spock once dwelt a dark void, was more than he could imagine. “I’m going in there. Don’t try to stop me.”

The two men looked at him and then at each other. Almost in unison they stepped aside. Kirk only glanced at them as he made his way into the room where his bondmate slept. It was dark and slightly warm. Spock had been dressed in one of those nondescript jumpsuits and Kirk silently thanked whoever had thought to spare his bondmate the humiliation of a gown.

He studied his lover’s face. He truly was beautiful. Spock had inherited the best of both worlds. He was more slightly built than the average Vulcan, his eyebrows more delicate. And his ears were more elegantly shaped, tapering to a fine point rather than the wide flair of most of his people. The universe could not lose him so soon.

Climbing on the bed, Kirk lay on his side next to his lover. He took a deep breath and positioned his hand on Spock’s face. The well-used pathways opened instantly and he found himself being pulled into darkness. He didn’t fight, but let himself be drawn into its depths. He would find Spock, or die trying.

^^^^^

Alone. He was alone, and almost used to the darkness. He didn’t know how long he had been here. Perhaps, always. He couldn’t remember what had been before. He didn’t want to remember. It would hurt too much. That he knew.

This place was like a womb, warm and dark and holding him safe from any that would hurt him. So when suddenly there was a spark of light, he looked away from it. _Go away. I do not wish the light._

But it would not. It would fade, and for a moment Spock would imagine that he was safe again. But then it would return, to bedevil him once more. He turned into himself even more. Perhaps he could hide from it. But it followed him.

He tried to push it away and felt a vague sensation of disappointment. Disappointment in what? In whom? It moved closer and Spock felt a wave of excitement emanating from it. Then he heard a name.

His curiosity was aroused. Was that who he was? And who had braved the dark to find him? Hesitantly, he uncurled from his sanctuary. The light surged into him.

“Jim!” Spock’s eyes flew open. He was lying on a bed, wrapped in Kirk’s strong embrace.

“You’re back. I knew you’d come back if I asked you to.”

“Jim?” Spock gently pushed his lover away to look into his face. “What is wrong?”

Kirk only smiled and pulled him close again. “Nothing, everything is all right now.”

Spock didn’t press for an answer. He was very tired, and he knew Kirk would tell him in his own good time. It was enough that they were together. It had always been enough and always would be.

^^^^^

“Nyota?”

She turned at the sound of her name. A man stood in the doorway, outlined by the light that spilled into the darkened observation room. “Hikaru?”

He cautiously approached her. When he was standing next to her, she saw something in his face she had never thought to see there...uncertainty. It disturbed her. “I didn’t think you had come aboard.”

“Captain Maunder knows that I served with Captain Kirk. He asked if I wanted to visit and I said yes.”

“Is he a good captain?”

Sulu smiled. “Yes, he is. He’s not James Kirk, but he’s pretty damn close. Not too many men would be willing to do what he did just on the word of a first officer he barely knew. I know I’m going to learn a lot from him.”

Uhura moved away and took a seat on the bench nearest the windows. “How soon do you have to go back?”

He followed her over and sat next to her. “We’re going to escort the ship to the nearest starbase. Stovan thinks there might have been some major damage to the engines. He wants to have them checked before they head out again. I can stay until then.”

“I didn’t think the Federation would allow that, what with the injunction against the captain.”

“Nyota, they wouldn’t turn away a crippled ship,” he softly chided. “Besides, I think the ban was temporarily suspended when they called him to Earth.”

“Oh.” They sat quietly after that. Finally the silence became too much for her. “I thought I was going to die.”

“We’ve both been there before.”

“This time was different.”

“How ‘different’?” he asked, clearly puzzled.

“I was alone.”

“You weren’t alone. The captain was there, and McCoy.”

“You’re wrong, Hikaru. They’re not a part of me anymore. Not the way they used to be. I didn’t realize that until I stood there, thinking I was going to die and realizing that I wasn’t where I should have been.”

“Where do you think you should have been?”

She laughed. “I’m not sure. But not here, being nothing but an extension of someone else. I chided Christine for not being able to let go, yet I was basically doing the same thing.”

He took her hand. “I heard about Christine. I’m really sorry.”

“So am I. But I wonder if she would ever have broken away. She was already talking like she wanted to join the ship. Maybe seeing where her blind fixation was leading her had a lot to do with opening my eyes. The only way she could break whatever it was that bound her to an impossible love was to die. I don’t want that for myself.”

“What are you planning on doing?”

“I’ve already done it. I asked to be posted as soon as possible. I don’t need to take all my accumulated shore leave right now. I need to start my life again.”

“The _Yorktown_ could use a good communications officer.”

She looked at him in surprise. “You would be okay with that?”

“Why would I not be okay with that?”

“I thought...I thought with things the way they are between us—”

Sulu grabbed her by the shoulders. “What are you talking about? I love you. I thought you felt the same way.”

“But you left! What was I supposed to think?”

He shook his head in exasperation. “Oh, Nyota, how could you ever think I didn’t love you anymore? _You_ were the one pulling away.”

 _“Me?”_

“Yes, you. You weren’t interested any more in anything that didn’t have to do with the _Enterprise._ You wouldn’t let go.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“What could I say? ‘You’re coming with me, whether you want to or not’? I couldn’t force you to come with me, as much as I wanted to. And I guess I could understand to a certain point why you would want to stay with them. It was exciting on the _Enterprise._ But I wanted us to make our own excitement.”

“Oh, Hikaru.” She allowed him to pull her into an embrace. It felt so good to be with him again. She hoped she got the posting on the _Yorktown._ Serving with him again would be wonderful. But if she didn’t, they would work it out somehow. She knew what she wanted now. And nothing would stand in her way ever again.

^^^^^

Kirk noted the look of anticipation on Uhura’s face as he walked her to the transporter room. Sulu would be waiting for her there, of course. The _Yorktown_ was on its way to Earth, and Captain Maunder had graciously offered his first officer’s friend a lift home. But more than that, the young woman had finally grabbed hold of her life with both hands.

“Have you heard anything from Starfleet yet?” Kirk asked.

“No, but Hikaru thinks Captain Maunder might put in a good word for me. The two of them have really hit it off.”

Kirk grinned. “Yes, it’s always a good thing to have a close relationship with your first officer.”

Uhura turned with a surprised laugh. “Mr. Spock must be feeling much better for you to be joking about him.”

“He’s getting there.” Kirk sobered for a moment, but then shook his head and a small smile appeared. “I think I’m still giddy with relief. So much could have gone wrong, yet everything turned out exactly right. And I have Sulu’s new captain to thank for that.”

“He is something, isn’t he?”

“I hope Starfleet isn’t too hard on him. He didn’t exactly break regulations by being out there, but it wasn’t part of his patrol area, either.” Kirk had never been so glad to see anything as he was the Constitution class ship that greeted his slowly clearing vision after the explosion of the Romulan vessel. A slender man with straw-colored hair had introduced himself as her captain and then motioned someone else into view. Sulu had appeared, grinning like the cat who ate the canary.

They had led Kirk’s ship to the nearest starbase. It had taken five days. Stovan had refused to allow the ship above warp two. In that time, when not haunting sickbay and making a general nuisance of himself as he impatiently waited for Spock to be released, he’d come to know the _Yorktown’s_ captain. A quiet man, he’d impressed Kirk with a calm demeanor that masked a will of iron. He could well understand Sulu’s quick attachment to the man.

“Hikaru doesn’t seem to be worried,” Uhura announced, pulling Kirk’s attention back to her. “Maelon’s father is well-placed in the Vulcan Council. That should count for something.”

The young Vulcan had been the only other survivor and had shared quarters with their communications officer during his stay. Maelon’s swift recovery from the abuses he’d suffered had surprised them all. He had left for Vulcan within the last hour. The young man was heir to an old and important clan. And though Sator had insisted there was no residual damage, Maelon’s family had insisted on his immediate return. A long-range shuttle had been waiting for him at the starbase.

“Well, I’m not so sure I’m going to let Stenn off the hook so easily.” Kirk was only half joking. It probably wouldn’t have changed his course of action, but knowing back-up was available would have been nice. “I would have appreciated him telling me that he and Sulu were still in contact with each other. Anyway, I’m just glad it’s all over and we can get back to normal.” Kirk had Spock back. Now it was time to get back to their lives.

Uhura stopped as they approached the doors to the transporter room. “I hope we’ll see you again someday.”

Kirk took her hands in his. “It’s a big universe, Nyota. But I can’t imagine our paths will never cross.”

She blinked back tears and tried to smile. “How can I be so happy, yet so sad at the same time?”

“It’s hard to let go, sometimes. Even when it’s for the best. But it’s time.”

“I’m going to miss you all so much—you and Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy.”

He kissed her lightly on the forehead and then turned her toward the door. “Come on, Nyota. Your future’s waiting.”

^^^^^

Kirk tried to be as quiet as he could as he entered his cabin. The room was dark but for a small lamp that dimly illuminated the sleeping area. Spock was asleep and Kirk wanted him to stay that way. His lover had been released from sickbay, but he still had not fully recovered from his ordeal. McCoy and Sator had given in under his and Spock’s combined onslaught, but only after Kirk had promised to make sure Spock rested.

So rest is what the Vulcan had been doing for the last two days. Or trying to, anyway. Since his first night back on the ship, Spock had slept poorly. While his lover was still in sickbay, Kirk had taken to sleeping in a chair next to the bed. Spock’s moans of fear, as he’d thrashed his way to consciousness, had awakened Kirk more than once. Mornings would find both of them exhausted. The situation was only slowly getting better.

Yet he had noticed a lessening of the lines that had cut into Spock’s face and emphasized the weight loss Spock could ill-afford. And while the night before had been almost as bad as the previous ones, the Vulcan had slept most of the day. It was a good sign.

So it was with a sense of relief that Kirk undressed and slid in next to his lover. He left the light on, propping himself up on one elbow and gazing his fill of the Vulcan. He had tried imagining what it would have been like if they hadn’t found Spock. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t imagine lying here alone without Spock’s strength and support to call on, without the soul-deep connection that had made them one. He could just as well imagine living without his heart.

But they had come so close, again, to losing each other. It was impossible for Kirk to not reach out and lightly touch Spock’s face, to let his fingers slowly travel up to the Vulcan’s temple and then to the strands of dark, silky hair that covered his brow in uncharacteristic disarray. Kirk closed his eyes and held his breath, fighting the wave of emotions that threatened to inundate him. This being was so precious to him.

“Jim?”

His eyes flew open. Spock looked up at him with a curious mixture of concern and amusement. Kirk smiled and tried to feel guilt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It is of no consequence.”

“Oh, yes, it is.” He grabbed the covers and snugged them more tightly around the Vulcan. “You won’t get better if you don’t get enough rest.”

“That is not true. I am already better.”

“That’s because you’ve slept practically the whole day away. Nyota and Hikaru wanted to say goodbye, but you were sleeping so soundly...”

“They are gone?”

Kirk nodded. “They left about thirty minutes ago. It’s just us chickens now.”

Still half asleep, Spock frowned in confusion. “ ‘Chickens,’ ?”

“It means only the regular crew is left.”

“One might have said so to begin with.”

“You’re no fun. Come on,” Kirk turned over to face away from Spock and nestled against his body. “Time for sleep.”

The lights slowly dimmed. Kirk could feel sleep creeping up on him when Spock’s hand moved down from where it had settled against Kirk’s chest to splay against his belly. The long fingers carded into his pubic hair and then wrapped themselves around his cock.

“What are you doing?”

“I no longer require sleep.” Spock’s hand tightened its hold.

“It’s too soon. Bones wants you to rest.” Kirk tried pushing his lover’s hand away, to no avail. Spock continued his fondling until Kirk’s organ was full and heavy.

“You do not wish this?”

Kirk knew he couldn’t turn down the invitation in those words. Half seductive question, half innocent plea, it made clear just how much Spock wanted this. _Almost as much as I do._

Though little more than a week since they had last made love, it seemed to Kirk that it had been far longer. Worry had driven his body’s need into hiding. But with his lover’s hand caressing him and the Vulcan’s shaft nudging against his buttocks, Kirk was unable to stop himself. His hips began to move, sliding his cock in and out of the hot fist encasing it. He started to bring his hand around to return the favor.

“No,” Spock pushed it away, “do nothing but take the pleasure I bring you.”

“Why?” Kirk whispered as his eyes closed.

“Alone in my mind, I hungered for the feel of you. I wish to feel you now, to comprehend that I have not lost what I feared never to know again.”

Then he was putty in Spock’s hands. The Vulcan knew where to touch to stoke his desire to a fever pitch. Hot fingers grazed Kirk’s chest, and his nipples ached from his lover’s rough caress. He shivered when Spock’s mouth nuzzled against him and bit the tender skin of his shoulders and neck. Kirk turned his head into his lover’s kiss and arched back into the demanding embrace.

When it grew to be too much, when he felt he would come at any moment, Spock would stop and let him gather his breath. Then it would start again, and then again, so that Kirk was not totally aware when he was turned on his stomach.

“T’hy’la, pull your legs in,” Spock whispered as his hands settled on Kirk’s hips.

Kirk grabbed his pillow and tucked it under his chest and face. His hips were lifted until he settled on his knees. Spock’s hands shifted to his buttocks and spread his cheeks. Kirk moaned and a shiver passed through him when he felt the Vulcan’s hot, wet tongue press at the entrance to his body. It slowly circled the sensitive tissue of his anus until Kirk was squirming with need. When it finally stabbed into him he cried out and thrust back, demanding more of the oral caresses. He could feel his anal muscles relax under the moist probe’s tender applications as it prepared him for entry.

Finally it stopped and he felt the shift of the bed as Spock resettled his weight. His fingers dug more firmly into Kirk’s flesh, spreading him wider as the blunt head of the Vulcan’s cock opened him. Slowly, the bar of flesh pierced him, and with each inch he could hear Spock’s gasps of pleasure as he pushed himself further in.

Kirk pushed back and felt Spock’s testicles settle against his ass. Slowly at first, and then with gaining speed his lover bore into him, as if to bury his cock as deep within Kirk’s body as he could. Kirk lifted his ass and welcomed the shaft that filled him.

Then Spock was pounding into him. Kirk braced himself against the buffeting that brought sparks of pleasure every time the heavy organ slid across his prostate. Just when he thought he could take no more, Spock stopped and fell forward to cover his body with his own. He circled Kirk’s waist and pulled them tightly together as he took Kirk’s penis into his hand. The other, he lightly laid on Kirk’s face.

For long seconds they waited as Spock’s being slowly permeated his own. Kirk could hear his lover’s gasping breaths at his ear while Spock’s mind embraced him. The hand on his penis stroked from base to tip and Kirk’s hips began to undulate. Spock started to move also, his cock pistoning into Kirk’s eager channel.

His lover was inside him, body and soul, and Kirk felt like they were flying, going ever higher until they reached that place that was only the two of them. They soared in unison, locked in a frenzy of motion. Too soon, he heard the Vulcan cry out and Kirk felt his insides suffused with the Vulcan’s semen. Waves of Spock’s orgasm broke over him as the softening organ continued to move in and out and his cock was expertly fondled. Then, in an explosion of white-hot need and desire, Kirk moaned his lover’s name and let his own climax wash over him.

When he was completely himself again, it was with the heavy weight of Spock’s body pressing him to the bed. The cover beneath was sticky with semen. He nudged at his lover who softly grunted and rolled off. Kirk turned his head toward the Vulcan and smiled.

“I guess Bones was wrong.”

“The good doctor was not aware that what I truly needed to be whole again was your presence.”

“I missed you, too. I’d forgotten what it was like not to have you at my side. I don’t ever want it to happen again.”

“Life holds no guarantees, Jim. But as long as it is in my power to do so, it is where I will remain. You are home to me.”

Kirk pushed himself up and sat cross-legged at his lover’s side. “We’re home to each other. Nothing can change that...not even death.”

“Jim-”

“No, Spock. If our experiences have taught me anything, it’s that no matter the circumstances, some way, somehow, we’ll always find our way back to each other. We’re an inevitability.”

The Vulcan seem to think about Kirk’s words for a moment. Finally, he nodded his head in agreement. “We do seem to be stuck with each other,” he teased.

With a grin, Kirk unfolded himself and took Spock’s hand to pull him up from the bed. “Come on. ‘Stuck’ is the operative word. I’m a mess and so are you. Let’s take a shower.”

Later, their bodies clean and the bedding changed, they took their rest in each others arms. And not once during the night, did they part.

^^^^^

“Approaching RP1485, sir.”

“Thank you, Stenn.” Spock nodded to the helmsman and then turned to communications. “Has the captain been informed, Sukar?”

The turbo doors opened at that moment. “Right here, Spock.” Kirk strode onto the bridge and took the seat as Spock vacated it. “Standard orbit, Stenn.”

Spock did not return to his station but rather stood next to his captain. The blue-green planet slowly filled the front view-screen as the ship slipped into orbit. Spock almost smiled at the excitement he felt radiating from his lover.

Kirk looked up and chuckled. “Sorry, but for awhile there I didn’t think I’d ever see this place again. I’ve got plans for it, remember?”

“I do, indeed. I assume you have notified Starfleet of our decision?”

Kirk nodded. A message forwarded from home had brought the news of their exoneration that morning. The choice they had finally made had been difficult and not without some regret. “I told them as long as they couldn’t guarantee us posting to the same ship we’d have to decline their offer to return. Besides, they’re still working on changing the rules regarding same-sex partners.”

“I was under the impression that the amendment to regulations is to be voted on next week and that affirmation is considered certain.”

“It is.” Kirk leaned back and rubbed his chin in thought. “I’m grateful to the Federation. But it’s just that right now I think we can do more good where we are. And Vulcan deserves just as much gratitude...if not more.”

“Yet, there are those you will miss,” Spock noted.

“Yes, but they have their own lives to think of. I don’t think they’re going to miss their old captain for very long. And as for the _Enterprise,_ she has a new captain now.”

Spock knew what he thought of their old ship’s new captain. Will Decker was a competent officer. But Spock did not believe he had the qualities needed to run a ship. His command of the _Enterprise_ would not be noteworthy. “The _Enterprise_ will always be yours.”

“And maybe someday I’ll reclaim her. But not today, and not without you.”

Spock inclined his head and their gazes locked for long seconds. Finally, with a smile, Kirk turned away, his attention drawn back to the viewscreen. Spock looked up, and as one they watched their future approach.

 

 

Finis


End file.
